OT/...what is co-depency?

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and what makes someone a co-dependent? I have heard about this and am curious?

-- shirley (geez@y2k.com), December 20, 1999

Answers

lol..co-dependency

-- Shirley (whatever@y2k.com), December 20, 1999.

Co-dependency is when you have a big propane generator AND a woodstove. Or, a clean underground spring AND a Katydyn water filter.

-- Sishy (dromano03@snet.com), December 20, 1999.

lol! Actually co-denpendency is a theraputic term that describes a person who is emotionally "dependant" on another person in an unhealthy or dysfunctional way. Trust me, it is not pleasant.

-- JoseMiami (caris@prodigy.net), December 20, 1999.

Co-dependency is when you are dependent on
a person that is dependent on a crutch, like
alcohol or drugs. Then you become co-dependent
on the drug as your spouses needs affect you.

-- spider (spider0@usa.net), December 20, 1999.

can an alcholic be co-dependent to a "non" alcoholic?

-- me (me@me.com), December 20, 1999.


Co-dependency, the crutch of humanity....just another blame game.

-- R. Wright (blaklodg@hotmail.com), December 20, 1999.

Co-dependency is -

Kissing your AR-15 first thing in the morning and getting the "warm, fuzzy feeling".

Sorry folks. Had to add that for Y2K Pro's benefit (***wink***).

-- Rob (maxovrdrv51@hotmail.com), December 20, 1999.


Codependency technically is a "boundary disorder". For example, an "emeshed" relationship might have each person so busy criticizing the other's behavior that they don't look at how their own behavior has contributed to their current situation.

A housewife might blame her depression on her husband and nag him about a hundred things (like, you never compliment me, blah blah blah) rather than recognizing that her lack of activity and goal attainment are the main systemic issues contributing to her depression.

Co-dependency may be demonstrated in an abusive relationship, where an abuser says he beats his spouse because dinner wasn't on the table on time. He's actually acting out his sense of powerlesnes (usually subconscious) by blaming her (as if she has that kind of power over him, to "make" him feel enraged or out of control).

There are as many examples of codependency as there are people. We all have our boundary issues, which often arrise from narcissistic wounds rendered in childhood. But I think these two examples demonstrate how each of us can falsely attribute to others the power to effect our sense of emotional wellbeing.

-- Hokie (nn@va.com), December 20, 1999.


Hokie,

Thanks for the accurate definition. I was offbase.

-- spider (spider0@usa.net), December 20, 1999.


can an alcholic be co-dependent to a "non" alcoholic?

-- me (me@me.com), December 20, 1999.

An alcoholic and their non-drinking enabling spouse is classic co- dependency.

-- zoobie (zoobiezoob@yahoo.com), December 20, 1999.



Dependency on religious and political authority to tell you what to do. Getting upset when someone tells you your icons are full of cr*p.

-- A (A@AisA.com), December 20, 1999.

I don't know if Hokie's definition is correct or not but I can describe it another way. Suppose a woman's addiction is food and she has problems with her weight, she blames this on her husband who has a problem being faithfull, who blames his problem on her problem... etc... etc... very unhealthy circle co-dependency.

-- (...@.......), December 20, 1999.

Oh, yeah... This is just a label hung on a very old problem by the modern religion we call psychology. It has been going on for thousands of years and used to be called deceiving oneself. In those days society had neat little tools for dealing with such problems like the stocks, or other public humiliation (in adults) and a good old swtiching (in children). Now along with the new religion I mentioned above we have years of therapy and drugs which mostly don't work but sure make a hell of a lot of money for those who practice that religion.

-- (...@.......), December 20, 1999.

I agree with you -- (...@.......). And once you are so strung out on your therapy and drugs, we say you are too sick to work, put you on disability, and your kids who BTW are all ADD and/or bi-polar, get SSI as well. Now be a good little citizen, and pay the receptionist your co-pay on your way out...

Sorry I was brief in my other post, but I was on my lunch break and ran outta time. Here is somemore info, if this helps...

Cynicism aside, I think we are confusing Dependent Personality Disorder (DSM III-R) with the pop term codependency. Someone with dependent personality dis for example is afraid to make major life decisions without tons of input from other folks, and in severe cases these persons will tell you they NEVER have made a major decision themselves, but have always lived where their husband wanted, or took the job their wife told them to take.... They like highly structured jobs as well, where they do the same things without having to make spontaneous or creative decisions. They don't like being alone because they lack the ego structure to organize their time. They are clingy (yuck! some with borderline personality dis are cling too.)

Codependency is a "pop" term which originated in the field of addiction. It was first coined to describe the behavior of the non- using counterpart of an alcoholic or addict. Remember Andy Garcia in "When A Man Loves A Woman"? Meg Ryan could drink through most of the movie without consequence cause codependent husband Andy Garcia would rush to her side to protect her, and get her into bed safely, and I figure get her out the door to work on time the next day. He took care of her like she was a child, rather than a competent adult.

Often when an addict enters recovery then their codependent counterpart will try to sabotague their sobriety because they miss the control they had over the addict, or the feeling of superiority.

Codependents will suffer numerous medical problems due to carrying the emotional load of not just their own harried lives, but that of the addict as well who is too intoxicated to deal with the reality of life's pressures.

I am overgeneralizing, but not to the point of inaccuracy I hope.

Anyway, over the years the psych field has realized that the behavioral pattern and medical symptomotology of the historic codependent is also seen in other persons who have no alcoholic and/or addict in their household.

Understand that addiction is by definition "repeatedly engaging in any behavior despite negative consequences." (source, my old boss Dr. Robert Brooner, Johns Hopkins School of Med, Dept of Psychiatry, Behavioral Pharmacology Research Unit.)

So consider an exec who continues to pay a $2000 American Express bill each month for his shop-aholoic wife. He has a second mortgage on the house, is concerned about his job security, has a history of heart disease, and sweats bullets each month waiting for that bill. But he hasn't confronted the wife in years cause it goes nowhere. He just sucks it in, and gets sicker. His behavior is codependent in this example.

The best pop book I've read on this topic is "Is It Love Or Is It Addiction? The Essential Guide To Developing Healthy Love Relationships" by Brenda Schaefer Ph.D. Dr Schaefer identifies the categories of addictive behavior which are acted out in interpersonal relationships, thereby not limiting the reader to just the historic codependent. Very positive, verses judgemental; lots of checklists.

What "makes" a person codependent? The narcicistic wounds we receive in childhood....if ya get the right amount, then Blam! We develop unhealthy coping mechanisms to survive these wounds which, when these coping mechanisms are acted out in adulthood, become destructive. Eg: Parents never tell little Johnie "I love you", so he gets swept off his feet by a $10 crack whore cause she says "I love you" everytime he gets paid. (Ew, vulgar, I gotts ban SouthPark from my house!)

John Bradshaw explains this process well in "Homecoming". The Videos I think are better than the books, and are at many libraries.



-- Hokie (nn@va.com), December 20, 1999.


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