The sad irony within is enough to make a hooker blush. This kind of crap now seems pathetic indeed. As if anyone believes that by the time we reach the threshold, we'll be singing auld lange syne around the dead sea? or the white house? Duh.

Sunday December 19 5:06 AM ET How to Ring in Millennium-From Bardot to Gecko to Streisand By Paul Majendie

LONDON (Reuters) - For the Dalai Lama and Pope John Paul, millennium night is a time for prayer and reflection.

For Nelson Mandela, it offers the chance to ponder the power of forgiveness in the island jail where he spent more than a quarter of the century.

Mohammed Ali, Elizabeth Taylor and Jack Nicholson have been invited to join the Clintons for a ``party of the century'' at The White House -- but they will have to dress up warmly for an open-air midnight celebration at the Lincoln Memorial.

For the rich and famous, millennium night is one of sharp contrast as a Reuters survey revealed of celebrities around the globe.

The Dalai Lama will spend the evening meditating and resting in Varanasi, the Hindu holy town on the Ganges River.

This is in preparation for January 1 when he will release a special message for the new millennium from the Buddhist town of Sarnath.

The frail and ailing Pope, who has set himself a personal target of crossing the millennium finishing line, will deliver a message to the world's one billion Catholics from the window of his apartment overlooking St Peter's Square in Rome.

The 79-year-old Pope, once known as ``God's Athlete,'' will then retire to his private chapel to pray while Romans take a midnight dip in the Trevi Fountain and Trastevere residents throw something old out of the window to mark the New Year.

For the Clintons, Hollywood glitz and glamour are coming to the White House for their next-to-last New Year's eve there.

But the 320-strong list of VIPs may have to slip long johns under their black ties and evening gowns.

For dinner is followed by an outdoor extravaganza with rap star Will Smith and a special 16-minute film made by Steven Spielberg.

What if Washington is gripped by a mid-winter freeze? ''These 'creators' are noted for their pioneering spirit, so we think they're up to this,'' producer George Stevens Jr. said.

``These people, people of great accomplishment, do not have weak knees. But it will require a certain hardiness.''

Three South African icons who played a major role in ending more than four decades of apartheid will be celebrating the millennium in wildly different places and ways.

Nelson Mandela, more active than ever in his retirement, will return to his Robben Island prison for a party with 500 guests while F. W. de Klerk, the man who freed him from 27 years in jail, will be on a cruise to Antarctica.

Archbishop Desmond Tutu, the Nobel Peace Prize laureate who campaigned tirelessly from his pulpit for an end to the repressive racist system of apartheid, will be holding a prayer vigil in Washington's National Cathedral.

Show business stars also offer an intriguing mix of relaxing at home, making it up and earning a buck or two.

Brigitte Bardot, one of the great sex symbols of the 20th century, will mark the millennium at her home in the south of France with her husband, a few friends and her 22 cats and dogs.

Texan model Jerry Hall has opted for a spirit of forgiveness. She is seeing in the new century with her philandering ex-husband, Rolling Stone Mick Jagger, and their children on the Caribbean island of Mustique.

For Barbra Streisand, it is work as usual. She is set for a multi-million dollar pay day for presenting a show business spectacular in Las Vegas.

``Phantom of the Opera'' star Michael Crawford will be performing in Bethlehem. ``I can't believe it. My heart is pounding to think that I will be singing just 100 yards from where Christ was born,'' he said.

Many opinion polls around the world show that millions, irked by all the Millennium hype and the soaring costs of a night out on the town, may opt to party at home.

But it does still offer the chance to make a spectacular gesture of hope to usher in a new century.

For plans are afoot for 100,000 Israelis, Jordanians and Palestinians to join hands and form a human circle around the Dead Sea.

Noted TBTK poster and crude oil analyst Gordon Gecko will spending this new years clutching his assault rifle, listening to his scanner and perusing global news feeds for signs of impending disaster. Says Gecko "I could give a shit what Streisand and Spielberg are doing, they're just part of the show that lead the American people to this cliff of unpreparedness." Gecko continued "I will be watching closely to ensure that none of my loved ones is hurt by the irresponsible manner in which the US has approached this problem. The chemical plants, utilities, telecoms, banks, oil refineries, none of them are compliant. And their readiness is suspect to say the least. I will be watching the skies to ensure that my family actually lives well into the next millenium. The only thing I will be contemplating is the front sight on my rifle."

-- Gordon (g_gecko_69@hotmail.com), December 19, 1999

Answers

link

-- Linda (lwmb@psln.com), December 19, 1999.

Gordon, I think you make Zoobie look like a Rhodes scholar, but I have to admit, that was pretty funny.

-- Butt Nugget (catsbutt@umailme.com), December 19, 1999.

Did Brigitte Bardot used to mudwrestle?

-- King of Spain (madrid@aol.cum), December 19, 1999.

Gordon certainly has better sentence structure than I do.Despite my wife's technical editing prowess she's not been able to break me of my love affair with the comma and the run-om sentence.

-- zoobie (zoobiezoob@yahoo.com), December 19, 1999.

The big entertainment at the WH for the rollover into the new century is Will Smith. Now there's your sign of Armageddon.

-- Jimmy Bagga Doughnuts (jim1bets@worldnet.att.net), December 19, 1999.

LOL Gordon, that was great.

-- the Virginian (1@1.com), December 19, 1999.

Piyt the poor Jehovah's Witnesses that knock on your door Jan. 1st.

-- Butt Nugget (catsbutt@umailme.com), December 19, 1999.

I would have put Gordon in the lead, with the less interesting folks down toward the bottom...the part you snip off to make sure the story fits on the newspaper page -grin-

-- joe (joe@adeveloper.net), December 19, 1999.

12/31/99, noon, unplug computer, clean house. 6 p.m., take hot shower and wash hair. 7. p.m., EST, (midnight Greenwich Mean Time) cower.

-- Mara (MaraWayne@aol.com), December 19, 1999.

Ah yes, a nation obsessed with good grammar but bereft of any moral fiber and public accountability.

-- Gordon (g_gecko_69@hotmail.com), December 19, 1999.

Excellent!

I'm right there with ya.

-- Me (me@me.me), December 19, 1999.

F.W. De Klerk may be the smartest one out of the bunch!

Who else would have thought 'Escape to Antarctica" would be the solution to all the potential Y2K and related problems due to surface?

In the first place, there isn't anything there to bother wasting an ICBM over, is there?

Only problem is, don't they use Microslop products there, too?

-- profit of doom (doom@helltopay.ca), December 19, 1999.