Christmas Bloody Shoppinggreenspun.com : LUSENET : TheLife : One Thread
Are you one of those people that do you shopping in the January sales and are feeling all smug now..?? Or do you leave it till the last minute like me..?
What's the best present you've bought this year.?
What is Santa bringing you..?
Let's get festive!
-- Immy (firstname.lastname@example.org), December 15, 1999
My goodness, Christmas is getting close, isn't it... I'd better think about going shopping soon.
Just kidding... I've done most of my shopping... and most of it was done over the Internet. Amazon.com picked up at least three or four hundred dollars worth of business from me.
Best present? Hmmm, I've ordered Turbo Pascal for my daughter. I think that's a slightly unusual present, right? (Yes, it is something she really wants... she is a high school senior studying Pascal programming and she doesn't like the free compiler she downloaded from the 'net but she does want to expand on some projects she started in school.)
-- Jim (email@example.com), December 15, 1999.
How I wish this could be a love letter; alas, that was never meant to be. The last three weekends - four, actually - have seen me driving diligently over to you, perusing probably only a sixty-fourth of your total shops, wanting desperately to find the right thing for birthdays and Christmas gifts, throwing my money at you and being at your beck and call, and yet I get nothing in return. You would think, that with my patient devotion and constant patronising, you could be a little more caring - show me a little gentleness instead of neglecting me and hurting me like you do. But no. Chadstone, there are so many ways in which you rip out my still-beating consumer heart and stomp all over it, never giving me the opportunity to enjoy the shopping experience - let me illustrate this for you. Let's start with your car parks, shall we?
I could literally get lost in your car parks. I don't care that there are lovingly colour-coded poles in each of the multi-layered parking lots; they mean jack to me, thankyou very much. Well, except for the aqua poles, but that's only because the passenger side of my car is decorated in it, but that's another story for another time. If I wanted to lose myself in a sprawl of confusion, I'd visit a hedge maze - when I go Christmas shopping, all I want is to find a place to put my car, go in and out, and go home. But no - I have to drive the approximate distance from here to Alaska in order to find a free spot, and appear like a bitch for getting into a space right before a little old lady and her equally little and old husband. The other shoppers just don't understand - I drive around and around, and I'm courteous to everyone, but they don't spare me the same politeness. Is this your way of telling me, Chadstone, that you don't want me to visit you anymore? If that is the case, I'll take the hint.
Chadstone, why do you have so many stores? You would be well aware of the fact that lots of stores = lots of space to cover to get between stores and it is also equal to lots of people. Do you realise how far I have to walk to get to What's New, then to The Body Shop, then over to The Disney Store, then Living Energies, then Lush, then Myer, then the Silver K Gallery, then down to The ABC Store? Can't you have all of the cool stores closer together? That way I wouldn't have to walk so far, and be stuck behind so many idiots who insist on stopping just as I'm gaining a little speed, or do that little funny half-dance thing where you almost run into someone, but then change course so you don't collide, but they also change course, so you end up colliding anyway.
Chadstone, why do I insist on visiting you even when I'm upset and I look like crap and I'm having cramps that want to take over my entire body? What is your secret, your siren song..? Is it that you know I love The Disney Store with all my heart and soul? Do you have some sort of machine pumping addictive "come back to Chadstone" drugs into the air-conditioning? You're breaking my heart. You treat me badly and make me sad. But I always come back.
Chadstone, I'm breaking off this relationship. My Christmas shopping is done, and I don't think I'm ever coming back. I hope you enjoy my money.
-- sammy (firstname.lastname@example.org), December 18, 1999.
Sammy - Chadstone is Evil. It's some kind of Vortex, that's what it is..! I only go there because my beloved hairdresser relocated to there when Southalnds was renovating, and I feel some kind of unbreakable loyalty to her because in the five years I have been seeing her she has never, ever given me a bad haircut.
I really should move on, I know but I'm just a wussy baby.
I was there last Saturday actually, and when I came out of the hairdressers I thought 'Hmmmmmm.. really need to get some shopping, perhaps I'll just have a look around' and walked approximately 10 feet before coming over all faint..
I just don't do Chadstone. I think it's scarier than The Blair Witch..
Oh, wait.. No it isn't.
-- Immy (email@example.com), December 18, 1999.
You will come back to us, you have to, you know you need us. Your Christmas shopping may be complete, but what about birthdays and all those other random social situations where you need a gift? When those arise, and they will, you will come back to us. And what about your Disney store? Where will you get your Disney fix without us? Admit it, you need us and when you come back (as you know you will) we'll be here waiting with open arms.
You too Immy, you feel our power everytime you visit your hairdresser, step into the light my child, all will be forgiven and a whole new world will open up to you.
Mention ths ad and get 10% off your next purchase at any Chadstone store!
-- Chadstone (firstname.lastname@example.org), December 21, 1999.
There's a Disney store at Southlands now Sammy
Chadstone has nothing, nothing left to offer you. You can just walk away. I know you can do it.
Oh - and Chadstone, you may think you've got decent cinema's now (and yes, it was about time you ripped down those rat infested pits and built some new ones) but they're Hoytts, Hoytts..!! And they're just so not cool.
Village Cinemas are where it's at
-- Immy (email@example.com), December 21, 1999.
Yeah, Village cinemas!
Hm... yay, Disney store at Southlands! Now I just have to find a sense of direction and go there one day.
Unfortunately, I'm going to be forced to go back to Chadstone. "No," you say, "you don't have to go back there. Honest! You don't!" But I do. I was given a gift certificate for Wonderwings Fairground, which can only be claimed at the Chadstone branch. ARGH!
-- sammy (firstname.lastname@example.org), December 25, 1999.