http://www.wbn.com/y2ktimebomb/Computech/Issues/bone9950.htm

We Interrupt this Program for a Special News Bulletin By Warren Bone December 14, 1999 (Note: This article is not meant to be taken literally. It is meant to be read with an eye to sarcasm. Mr. Bone is merely trying to point out the large amount of unsubstantiated, overly optimistic, boilerplate press releases that are being taken as news by many publications and news organizations. In other words, if all of these releases and the subsequent "news" that is based on them were true, then there really would be no Y2K Problem. Westergaard Year 2000 apologizes to any who took this piece literally.)

JUST OFF THE WIRE: Y2K Expert apologizes for lying to the world about the real facts of world readiness and Y2K.

"The world is ready for Y2K, and has always been ready. I lied."

That astonishing admonition made just today by leading Year 2000 expert Warren Bone at a brief press conference.

Mr. Bone went on to say that there never has really been any problem with computers related to what we dubbed Year 2000. "There is no bug. Never has been." He went on to disclose further, "I really never spent 25 years in IT, and I don't have my MBA, nor did I work as a Year 2000 project manager for over three years. I actually work in a chalk factory in a very small community. I dust erasers. And now I feel really bad that I tried to get people all concerned about this so-called Year 2000 thing that I made up."

"Tell people," he insisted, "to take their extra supplies and stocked up goods back to the store and get their money back, and to not worry at all, because nothing is going to happen. It was all just something I made up and the rest of the world started believing me. And they've been working for years on something that never existed in the first place."

He offered the following examples of his proof that there is no Y2K problem:

All airports are ready. There's no problem with flying. http://currents.net/newstoday/99/12/08/news15.html

Australian phones are ok. Call someone to see for yourself. http://www.it.fairfax.com.au/breaking/19991208/A24552-1999Dec8.html

All IT workers in the world will be at work on New Year's Eve to see that all's ok. http://www.boston.com/dailynews/342/economy/High_tech_CEOs_looking_forward:.shtml

And all workers working on New Year's Eve will be well taken care of...everything's fine. Their companies are rewarding them by letting them be together that night. http://www.shrm.org/surveys/year2000.htm

All utilities are ready. There never was any problem with utilities. Especially nuclear. It's fine. Crank'em up. http://www.dailysouthtown.com/southtown/dsnews/081nd2.htm

Dams are ready. All dams everywhere. They don't use embedded chips like first thought. http://www.denverpost.com/news/y2k/y2k1208.htm

Russia guarantees its atomic weapons are immune to Y2K. And its nuclear plants, too. http://news.cnet.com/news/0-1009-200-1488270.html?tag=st.ne.1009.thed.1009-200-1488270

Russian nuclear weapons guaranteed ready. Because the Russians said so. AGAIN. http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/nm/19991208/wl/russia_nuclear_2.html

All banks and ATMs are just fine. Don't take your money out. http://www.star-telegram.com/news/doc/1047/1:BIZ22/1:BIZ22120699.html

Finance, Electric, Phones, Air and Rail transportation, Oil and Gas, Fed Government, all agencies...all done. http://www.y2k.gov/new/prel1110.html

America's largest corporations say, "Y2K is no significant business risk...no big deal." http://www.usa.capgemini.com/news/pr99.asp?id=109

All communications in the whole world ok. We can still receive those marketing calls at night. http://news.cnet.com/news/0-1004-200-1489538.html?tag=st.ne.1002.tgif?st.ne.fd.gif.f

All petroleum ok...prices falling. Plenty to go around. There will be no interruptions like people say. http://www.eia.doe.gov/oil_gas/petroleum/pet_frame.html

The Internet is ready and being watched closely. It's not a "high tech" thing anyhow. http://currents.net/newstoday/99/12/09/news1.html

Year 2000 sites close down, now that it's all fixed and everything is fine. http://www.y2ktoday.com/modules/home/default.asp

Analysts and experts have taken care of everything. Not to worry. It's their job, not yours. http://www.systemtransformation.com/

All products are compliant now. Just pick a product, any product. http://y2kbase.com/

All cities in the U.S. are in fine, fine shape. Only 12 got bad grades (D or below) but they will be fine. (Only 57 turned in a report card. 10,000 or so were sent out. But most of the 57 got A, B, or C. But they won't have any problems. Trust me.) http://www.y2kcenter.org/planning/reportcards/index.html

Take a look at all the counties in the U.S. that are working on this...they're ready! http://www.naco.org/programs/infotech/y2k/programs.cfm

Pick a state, any state. They're all A-OK. Where do you live? Select your state. http://www.nasire.org/hotissues/y2k/survey/

The entire world, all countries are now ready, except for Gabon and Bolivia. And a handful that didn't turn in any report. (Gabon and Bolivia are the only countries in the whole world that reported having some Year 2000 work to finish in 2000 sometime.) http://www.iy2kcc.org/CountryWeb.htm#Chart

United Nations has everything under control. They've done a good job talking about this. http://www.un.org/members/yr2000/a_54_525.pdf

World-famous economist greatly reduces chances of worldwide recession now that everything is done. The economy is going to be just fine. Stock market high, interest rates lowww. http://www.yardeni.com/public/y_19991130.pdf

I lied in the article I wrote, too. Everything really is ok. I lied about it all. http://www.wbn.com/Y2Ktimebomb/Computech/Issues/bone9943.htm

Contact Warren Bone Email: wbone@home.com Telephone:(615) 353-0249

-- Uncle Bob (UNCLB0B@AOL.COM), December 14, 1999

Answers

***Warren Bone***

http://www.greenspun.com/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id=0020SN

-- Year 2000 Facts, Forecasts and (Areas@of.Concern), December 14, 1999.

I laughed so hard reading Mr. Bone's confession that my sides still hurt. Best laugh I have had in a year and a half. Thanks, Uncle Bob, you made my night. And Westergaard had to write a disclaimer! Hahahahaha! Love it. The whole piece is a perfect repetition of what my best DGI friend has been telling me all along. How refreshing to see it as funny!

Of course it's NOT funny. Because it IS what my DGI friend believes, and I'm sure he represents the masses. And the truth is that it really breaks my heart, and the stupidity of it enrages me. It did not have to be like this. How amazing.

Thanks, Year 2000, for the link, too. Pithy comments there as well.

Ah, laughter. What a restorer of perspective.

-- Faith Weaver (suzsolutions@yahoo.com), December 14, 1999.

I'm printing this one out for my history book. Should make for interesting reading 2001.

-- Tommy Rogers (Been there@Just a Thought.com), December 14, 1999.