Since money is a medium of exchange; something everyone will accept and desires to hold, we need to determine what may become money in six weeks. This assumes that dollars in peoples hands may become very rare or that the dollar may become worthless.

I have given this issue much consideration and have considered several alternatives. I first considered food but that idea was discarded because tastes differ so much among individuals. One mans trash may be anothers treasure. I like beans, oysters, yada yada yada. My wife likes cooked carrots, trash for me. I also considered dogs. How cold a night can one stand based on the number of dogs one owns. This however would give an unfair advantage to southeners who often own packs of coon hounds. I also considered fine wiskeys, scotch, etc. This would be fine for storing large amounts of wealth, but not easy to divide up for smaller purchases.

I was left with one item that would be universally recognized, accepted and desired. This item is toilet paper. I don't mean to boast but we, my family, are worth 240 rolls of TP. Okay folks fess up. How much are you really worth? This will help me to determine if our family is in the upper crust, dirt poor or somewhere in between. Are there any Bill Gates on this forum?

-- Ed (ed@lizzardranch.com), November 22, 1999

Answers

Isn't the whole globe trying to answer that question? Isn't that the switching all about to this or that currency? Who's got the "real" dollar? Germany, Japan, America, the EU, or the Swiss?

-- Paula (chowbabe@pacbell.net), November 22, 1999.

Hey Ed ... waaaaaAAAAY more than you. Gates will come beggin' at my door. Plus I can get a ready supply of thimbleberry leaves, which the pioneers in these here parts dubbed the "red man's Charmin". But when it comes right down to it, in these parts, Bic lighters trump TP

-- Roch Steinbach (rochsteinbach@excite.com), November 22, 1999.

We have 425 for a family of 3............we're rich.........finally

-- johnboy (jlandry@tgn.net), November 22, 1999.

Drambuie, good quality fruitcake or those little fruit-shaped marzipan candies.

No, I wont elaborate, I simply must have these for this time of year and if I dont have them its not the holiday season.

Yankee Scented Candles are nice too.

BTW- I am prepped for several months so please dont offer me your lousy TP, rice or beans.

"I gots TP, rice and beans !!! Trade me whats I dont gots !!!".

-- hamster (hamster@mycage.com), November 22, 1999.

With a nation of people addicted to caffiene my vote is coffee. Especially since it's almost 100% imported. You cant make coffee out of a magazine page, misc. piece of paper, or a leaf. However, I'm sure that toilet paper will be sorely missed.

-- anonymous (anonymous@anonymous.com), November 22, 1999.

Deeeer, Please, I have 500 roolls of that "lovely stoof". If that runs out, then I will know why I have been collecting Sears/Penneys Christmas Catalogs (seriously) for the Paaast ten years.

-- Nose pinched (Outhouses@flys.com), November 22, 1999.

Ed:

Let's get practical, my man. It's not the nubmer of rolls: it's sheets per roll. How many SHEETS, Ed?

Squirrel Hunter >"<

-- SH (squirrl@huntr.com), November 22, 1999.

We have well over 1200 and I bought another case today. It doesn't eat anything, will only go up in price and Chubby Hubby tosses it up in the loft in his shop AFTER I run tape over the box seams and edges to keep any creepy critters out. We don't seem to have mice problems here. Don't know why that is since they are literaly endemic 60 miles south of us. Damn...I KNEW if I worked hard all my life and made good investments I would some day be RICH !!!!!! WHEEEEEEEEEE!!

Taz...who is about to go around the bend with all this y2k stuff!!

-- Taz (Tassie123@aol.com), November 22, 1999.

SH,

You know that you just ruined my evening. Now I will have to go out to the barn, pull out a roll of TP, roll it down the middle of the barn and start counting sheets of TP. Just how am I supposed to be functional at work tomorrow with no sleep.

-- Ed (ed@lizzardranch.com), November 22, 1999.

This thread got me to wondering how many rolls I've got stashed so I went and counted. What a surprise I got!!

840 rolls!!!!!

Guess I should stop buying......

-- Sheila (sross@bconnex.net), November 22, 1999.

Ed --

Get on it!

I'm beginning to think those rumors about you going "doomerlite" are well-founded .......

-- SH (squirrl@huntr.com), November 22, 1999.

Taz, feel in my heart, you are sincere. YOU GO, GIRL!

-- Pinched Nose (Outhouse@fly.com), November 22, 1999.

I guess if your neighbors aren't prepared, that makes you a very wealthy person. I think after 2 weeks of no TP, no coffee, and no booze, my neighbors Rolex watch will become mine. I shall become Queen of the Hill, my neighbors will bow down at my feet and worship me. They will bring me their gold, diamonds, and silver in exchange for the soft tissue that will be quickly discarded after one use. What's a can of SPAM and a roll of toilet paper worth? I shall find out soon.

-- Queen of the Hill (QueenoftheHill@QueenoftheHilll.xcom), November 22, 1999.

Well, I can't follow that above thread. Don't guess I was meant to be "money rich", in this lifetime. Can only please ask, of God, to "be" with me, through my spiritual life, in a material world. Geez, I have to fear the "Waco" scenerio again. It is only humans, touting humans, get a grip. P.S. I have no guns, ready to take out anyone.

-- Nose Pinched (Outhouse@flys.com), November 22, 1999.

Gary North says that duct tape will be the medium of exchange. I wonder if he wipes with it too?

-- (MrWhipple@squeeze.me), November 22, 1999.

Love it! to paraphrase the late Duchess of Windsor, "One can never be too rich, too thin, or own enough toilet paper!"

-- Nancy (wellsnl@hotmail.com), November 22, 1999.

During one disaster a guy I know choppered out for dog food. Another fella had his mom send smokes & tequila in a care package.

-- flora (***@__._), November 22, 1999.

Over 1000 rolls, double ply, super double size, 100% cotton. And it's not up for barter.

-- soft clean bottom (while@all.else.croaks), November 22, 1999.

I think OTC medicine will be a great barter item.

-- Carol (glear@usa.net), November 23, 1999.

You people are rich. We only have about 200 rolls. I'll tell my sister, this will rouse her to action. We live for TP. We do have jars of coffee though. Yes, jars (ugh). I collecting the real thing, too. Plus Twinings tea and Japanese powdered green tea.

-- Mara (MaraWayne@aol.com), November 23, 1999.

shhhh! do't let the secret out.

chocolate.

Amen.

-- Sara Nealy (keithn@aloha.net), November 23, 1999.

I've gone long in chocolate and toothpaste. I can satisfy a craving, manufacture a problem, AND sell the solution it. I'LL RULE YOU ALL. ;)

-- Colin MacDonald (roborogerborg@yahoo.com), November 23, 1999.

Colin is a DENTIST? Colin, ol' buddy, I have a special place of honor for you at my compound. After studying the book 'Where There Is No Dentist', I've been trying to lure one in. Lots of percs, and I'll even send you a ticket. A Rube with an abcess will gladly hand over every sheet of TP he owns. But, you better not get stuck in London town, 'less you like burnt toast.

Cheers!

-- Pinkrock (aphotonboy@aol.com), November 23, 1999.

Over 500 rolls. I hope we don't run out 'cause I'm not looking forward to that duct tape thing.

-- Dave (aaa@aaa.com), November 23, 1999.

Taz: You've got 1200 rolls? Has anyone done the sums on what a lifetime's supply works out as?

-- Rob (rob@planet.rob), November 23, 1999.

It's not your shit you have to worry about, it's everyone else's. If the sewerage system fails (prolong-edly), then other people's shit could kill you. Airborne disease and all of that. It's not such a popular topic for some reason. I even forget how likely a y2k problem it is.

I'm pretty sure that with y2k there will be wildcards. Problems will pop up that will suprise even those of us with some idea of what to expect.

It would indeed be unfortunate to see that a prevalent general-mode failure causes sewerage systems in cities everywhere go kaput. Just not a cool way to go, methinks. TTsunami or direct comet strike would be sweeet, :) Some would say it's fitting for this civilisation to be killed by it's own excrement, it's just difficult to see the light side of it.

I can't say i've spent time worrying about it, though i've told people of the possibility.

*******

Y2k - the lottery where you lose!!!

...And the rich countries have bought the most tickets:?

----(ad break finishes..

Come On Down!!!

You're the next 6 billion contests on

WHEEL OF FORTUNE!! (theme tune - priyssizwryte)

Paul Milne....COME ON DOWN!

Vannevar Bush...COME ON DOWN!!!

John Koskinen...COME ON DOWN!!!

(Game Show Host): "Contestant number one...Van. So tell me, this little "computers" project of yours has gotten a little out of hand. Pentagon would've never funded the whole shebang if they had've known this would happen!" (Host smurks at crowd.)

187 yo Vanny: "Don't give us grief, sonny jim. We did one of the most useful things anyone's ever done."

(host): Well Vanmeister, it turned out to be too useful. We got ourselves totally reliant on it, and Noww, thanks to you technomages, we're totally up shit creek in a barbed-wire canoe."

Big Van Vader: "We sincerely offered it to the world as a tool for the betterment of life."

Host: "But you know that `the betterment of human life' hardly rates a mention with the ruling system of doing things...It still happens, but this society is geared to improving the lot of those with money....FULL STOP. Oh, and blowing things up, that's the other thing we expend our energies on. We good go bang bang. Urg, ug.(caveman voice:?) "

Van Halen: "Oy,(rolls eyes) Always with the politics! You know, I used to watch a lot of teevee with the Little Blue Men under the desert,. And when I watched you gameshow hosts, I always thought you'd be doing coke...but you sound like you're stoned?"

Host: "Um right...time to pick a prize!!"

Vannevar Bush: "Fuck you!.." (trails off..)

Contestant John Koskinen turns to contestant Paul Milne "PAul...Hi, it's John From the meetings at D.C. (nervously) I was wondering...um you see ...where I live, there's nothing to eat anymore,.."(urgently) .."the shipments just aren't getting through anymore!!!"(all shook up. Desperation on face.) "Paul, I need you to tell me...How do I prepare Spiders and caterpillars to eat?"

Paul Milne: (blank faced, but disbelieving)"You want me to teach you how to eat bugs??" Although his face doesn't show it, inside there echoes the sound "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH". A hypnotic maniacal laugh.

John Koskinen:"Do I have to cook 'em first? (worried, enthusiastic)

Paul: "You can do them raw."

Kosky: "Oh great."

Paul smiles while kosky eats bugs. Vannevar presses his broach and is transported back to Club Med Ganymede. Game show host explodes at midnight.

---------

What the hell was that all about???

And no Hamster, it's not that i forgot my medication, it's that I remembered it. ;`)

-- number six (huh?@qwettttttyt.cbgty), November 23, 1999.

"LONG on Chocolate.."

Thats funny!!!!

-- d_____ (dciinc@aol.com), November 23, 1999.

Number six,

Amy chance of a sequel? If there is, I think I'll have to add a case of Depends to my preps!

-- midas (midas_mulligan_2000@yahoo.com), November 23, 1999.

"Let them eat bugs."

-- new royalty (about to be@beheaded.by mob), November 23, 1999.

Now's the time to stock up on all that heavy, dark toiletpaper nobody else wants to buy. More sheets per roll. Sell it by the sheet. Did you ever see one of those corncobs with the electrical cord attatched? I always wondered what would happen if you plugged one of those things in...

-- Liz Pavek (lizpavek@hotmail.com), November 23, 1999.

Hey...does this mean that those cockroaches I've been trying to rid my scummy little Chicago studio apartment of may become a valuable commodity? Damn! I could have collected a fortune by now! I'll have to train my cat to stop attacking them. High in protein...crunchy too!

Got bugs?

John Ludi, the insect messiah.

-- Ludi (ludi@rollin.com), November 23, 1999.