Total Honestygreenspun.com : LUSENET : Naked Eye : One Thread |
I only know one or two people who qualify in the "totally honest" category. So, if you don't like someone's haircut and they ask yuo directly, "Do you like my haircut?" - what do you say?Do you tell the so-called "harmless" white lie? Or do you tell the truth?
And when ARE white lies okay?
-- Catherine (catherine@cmjcom.com), October 04, 1999
Interesting supplemental, Emma.I tend to tell the little white lie. When my daughter, for instance, got her hair cut and was devastated by how it turned out (and I didn't much like it, either) I DID NOT tell her I didn't like it. She was already pretty upset.
What I told her was that she was beautiful and looked beautiful and her hair would grow back. Not technically a lie. She *is* beautiful (this is Mommy talking, remember). But she insisted. "Do you like my haircut?"
I said, "It looks great. You look great."
I felt that she was going to be really sad and frustrated if I said otherwise and it's just not a big issue, is it?
But I wondered if she knew I was telling a "little white lie" and would not trust my word on the big stuff.
I crave honesty. But I crave not hurting people more, I think.
Catherine
-- Catherine (catherine@cmjcom.com), October 05, 1999.
you can make that three, catherine. im transparently honest. i think its a very important quality and i am glad i have taken the time to culitvate it in myself.when it comes to offering advice on a haircut or something, i tell the truth in such a way as to not hurt the persons feelings. honesty does not preclude tact.
i might say, 'actually, i thought your long hair looked lovely on you!' however, if i am asked directly, pointedly, i will answer in kind.
-- emma (goddess@worldnet.fr), October 04, 1999.
Hrm. I'm in favour of the little white, polite lie, especially about something as personal as someone else's hair or clothing or other idiosyncratic choices. I don't gush and exclaim about how wonderful someone looks when I think to myself they look pretty strange, but I don't tell them that they look strange, either - it's a pretty subjective thing, after all. I expect the same courtesy, frankly. I don't care that much if you hate my hairstyle - it's more important to me to keep them social wheels reasonably greased so that I can shudder through my workday with a minimum of (moderately unnecessary) strife.
-- Catherine (hinesc@mindspring.com), October 04, 1999.
i wanted to add a supplemental thought.i feel that when/if we begin lying to other people, we open up the possibility within ourselves that we can begin lying to _ourselves_.
-- emma (goddess@worldnet.fr), October 04, 1999.