THAT'S RIGHT, FOLKS! STEP RIGHT UP AND GIVE ME FIVE..DOLLARS, THAT IS! WHY, THESE SNIPS WILL CUT THROUGH THE TOUGHEST CONCERTINA OL' UNCLE SAM CAN BUY AND STRING UP AROUND ANY OLD FEMA CAMP! RUBBER COATED HANDLES TO MINIMIZE THE SHOCK! YESSIRREE, FOLKS! BUY TWO! BUY THREE! SHARE WITH YER FRIENDS AND LOVED ONES! WHEN YER HAULED OFF TO THE DETENTION CAMPS, MAKE SURE YOU HAVE ONE OF THESE BABIES STUFFED DOWN YER SHORTS! WIRE CUTTERS!! WIRE CUTTERS! GET 'EM WHILE THEY'RE HOT!! WIRE CUTTERS!!

-- Jay Urban (jurban@berenyi.com), September 22, 1999

Answers

A great calamity is about to strike the earth.

But you choose to amuse yourself while you can.

Not knowing that your days are numbered.

Unless you prepare, the memory of how you wasted your time will torment you for years to come.

-- TrustHim (ItComes@Soon.now), September 22, 1999.

I HAVE been preparing, O ye who hath left thy sense of humor behind on this day, and verily, when we are all corralled together in yon penstocks, yea, I shall ask thee again, doth thou wantest one pair, or two?

-- Jay Urban (JURBAN@BERENYI.COM), September 22, 1999.

I thought it was kinda funny. Keep 'em coming, Jay. And "trusthim" can't we laugh at a freaking joke once in a while?

The best humor contains the truth -- or something like that that.

-- semper paratus (almost@always .ready), September 22, 1999.

Well, the LED flashlight market seemed all sewn up, and the only other useful thing I could muscle in with on such short notice was the American Association of Automotive Engineers approved wire cutters!! Don't leave home (or be drug off from yer premises) without 'em folks!! Wire cutters!! wire cutters!! get 'em right here!!!

-- Jay Urban (jurban@berenyi.com), September 22, 1999.

is this the model that unfolds into a gas mask, or is that one (the ginsu model) more expensive?

-- Cowardly Lion (cl0001@hotmail.com), September 22, 1999.

LOL, cowardly lion! No, these are yer bareboned, single reflex, 1:750 lever ratio at 6 inches, red neoprene-dipped handles (blue available in 2 weeks). Made in China from blueprints stolen from U.S. Department of Mechanical Standards! The Best available. Will that be one, or two pair for you?

-- Jay Urban (jurban@berenyi.com), September 22, 1999.

Jay, somehow I doubt that your wire cutters can cut through concertina. You've seen the stuff of course? Plus, they will most likely emplace two strands of triple concertina together on the ground with a third strand on top. You may get through it with some wire cutters but it will take hours. In the meantime...who ever is guarding the wire will be attempting to shout you. May I suggest using a tank instead? Just roll over the stuff.

-- a (person@little.faith), September 22, 1999.

Jay,

mega mega LOL's, gimme 20 pr. for my comrade DGIers. Great stocking stuffers for the DGI's. Can you see there faces when they open the box at Christmas?? Assuming there will be a holiday! Steve McQue..er Virgil..Virgil Hilts, I did escape the Nazis in the movie Great Escape and NOW I'm stuck in this mess!!

Breaking Story: the theme song for this upcoming holiday/rollover season, from Martha and the Vandella's, "Nowhere to Run, Nowhere to Hide, Baby". You can get your (re)release right here on my website www.justsayno2NWOnow.com

-- Virgil Hilts (breakinout@soon.com), September 22, 1999.

a---you're right, of course, we really don't stand a chance singly in the face of such promising oppression, I was just trying to lighten the day a scosh....no way I can get an Abrams or a T-80 down my shorts, though; Virgil....thanks for the refreshing come-back! In reviewing Motown hits, quite a few numbers will seem relevant shortly...."Chain of Fools", "Workin' on the Chain Gang", "I Can't Get Next to You", "Keep Me Hangin (on)", "When you're HOT, you're HOT" etc., etc., etc. Thanks again, bro!!!

-- Jay Urban (jurban@berenyi.com), September 22, 1999.

You guys got way too much time on your hands......: )

barkin' at the neighbor...

The Dog

-- Dog (Desert Dog@-sand.com), September 22, 1999.

Never mind red or blue handles, we need camo handles!

-- biker (y2kbiker@worldnet.att.net), September 22, 1999.

Do we want to get through the wire if they shoot us in the back? JUst curious.

-- Mara Wayne (MaraWayne@aol.com), September 22, 1999.

Jqy, thank you for warning us about the Microsoft patches and now offering wire cutters. Please send me two units of wire cutters $5.00 each. Also, if you have a bale of concertina, please send a few strands so that the family can practice and perfect efficient cutting methods before we have to use it in a game situation. Please send to Puddintame, General Delivery, Raleigh, NC 27601. I'll send you the $10 upon receipt.

-- Puddintame (achillesg@hotmail.com), September 23, 1999.

WHAT A DEAL YOU GOT! THEY'RE ON THE WAY!! FLASH! LATE BREAKING REPORT! Y2K WIRE CUTTERS OVERNIGHT INTERNET SALES SENSATION!! FEMA IN A FUROR OVER UNEXPECTED REBELLION AMONG SHEEPLE! WIRE CUTTER SECRET WEAPON NEUTRALIZES CONCERTINA WIRE BOUNDARIES---N.W.O. BIGGIES SUMMONED TO EMERGENCY SESSION IN VIENNA FOR CONTINGENCY PLANS- ROTHSCHILD AND FRIENDS ASTOUNDED BY INGENIOUS RESISTANCE TACTIC!!

-- Jay Urban (jurban@berenyi.com), September 23, 1999.

I'm sure the Jews in Germany were yucking it up too.

-- nope (not@thistime.com), September 23, 1999.

Jay, they were gonna electrify the Concertos, but then they got tipped off that power's kapoof. You'll save the day! No time left even for NWO revisions ;^D

Four pair for us please, and we'd like the forest green shorts shield accessory.

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (allaha@earthlink.net), September 23, 1999.