Here's one to lighten things up.

Hillary Clinton died and went to Heaven. St. Peter was giving her a tour when she noticed that there were dozens of clocks on the walls. Each clock displayed a different time of day.

When she asked St. Peter about them, he replied, "we have a clock for each person on earth and every time they tell a lie the hands move. The clock ticks off one second each time a lie is told."

He pointed out two special clocks. The clock belonging to Mother Teresa has never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.

The clock for Abraham Lincoln had only moved twice. He only told two lies in his life.

Hillary asked "Where is Bills' clock"? St. Peter replied, "Jesus has it in His office...He uses it as a ceiling fan".

Keep your...

-- eyes_open (best@wishes.net), September 15, 1999

Answers

Bill died and went to hell(big suprise). Lucifer met him in a room with 3 doors. The devil told Bill he could pick one door, for behind each door is a different hell, but whichever you choose you're stuck with for all eternity.

"Ok, I can handle that." Bill said. He opened the first door to see a never ending desert with foul twisted creatures ripping apart screaming souls. "Agghhh! That's awfull, I'll look at the next door."

Bill opened the second door to see a frozen wasteland of perpetual darkness with demonic artic wolves and other beasts tormenting lost souls. "Egads!! That's too much for me." He replied. So he went to look behind the third and final door.

When he opened the third door he saw a huge maze of dungeons with torchlit walls and dank floors. On one wall he could make out his old nemisis, Ken Starr. Ken was shackled to the wall from head to toe, stark naked. Between Kens legs was Monica-doin' her thing.

"Wow! This is a hell I can live with." Bill told Lucifer. "Are you sure?" The devil replied dryly. "Yes, Yes, This is for me." Bill said eagarly. "Very well." said the devil. "Come on out Monica, your replacement is here!".

-- CygnusXI (noburnt@toast.net), September 15, 1999.