First posted on Sept. 13, 1999 New column every Tuesday.

Pre-millennium bug spooks editor

Y2K fear mongers around the world must have been greatly disappointed last week when the so-called "Dreaded 9s" -- the date representing the ninth day of the ninth month of this century's 99th year, or 9/9/99 -- added up to Apocalypse Not.

Sept. 9, 1999, was billed as a dress rehearsal for "doomsday" because early computer programmers used a string of four nines as an "end of file" marker to produce an abrupt halt in software programs.

Lost in the fear-mongering was the fact that in most computer systems Sept. 9, 1999, is represented by six digits, 090999. Not 9999.

But never mind.

When that "dreaded" Thursday rolled along, computers were supposed to suddenly shut down all around us, presaging the K-lamaties of the new year.

But did any planes fall out of the sky?

Not.

Did the electric power grid fail?

Not.

Did grocery stores run out of food?

Not.

Did PCs crash?

Yes, of course. Like they always do.

But not, as far as any reports I've seen, because of the "Dreaded 9s." Unless a reported glitch in the computer running the Lebanese state lottery counts.

Knowing the pleasure I've taken in ridiculing the two main species of Y2Krakpots -- (a) techno-bedwetters and (b) profiteers -- readers of this column might think I'm here to gloat.

Instead I want to admit that I myself became a victim of the "Dreaded 9s." Sort of.

The only difference is that in my case, the technological disaster came a day early.

It was, as anyone who has ever lived in Virginia in the summertime will attest, the worst thing that can possibly happen. Namely, my home's air-conditioning system died.

For once, I was able to empathize with paranoid Y2K survivalists.

The horror! Without air conditioning, one is forced to sleep with the windows open!

It might as well have been the so-called TEOTWAWKI (The End Of The World As We Know It) that the techno-bedwetters and profiteers had long predicted.

So dreaded is the breakdown of an air conditioner in the Old Dominion that our repair person insisted on hastily coming over, even though he said he had pneumonia.

He ascertained, according to my wife, that an insect had crawled into the air-conditioning unit's outdoor relay module and shorted it out. All that remained were carbonized electrocution marks.

It was like high-tech dij` vu. After all, the techie term "bug" is derived from a malfunction that was traced to an insect in an early computer's electrical circuits.

Immediately, I realized the embarrassment this kind of publicity could cause me, given that I've taken such pleasure in ridiculing Y2Krakpots.

I could just see the headline if the papers got a hold of this: "Pre-millennium bug spooks editor."

So I decided to make a full disclosure on my own, here and now. I even had one of our tech staffers, content developer Aaron Berman, take a look at the fried relay module. (See evidentiary photo.)

Peter de Jager, who several years ago plucked himself out of virtual obscurity by claiming that the digital sky was falling, told USA TODAY last week that the stroke of midnight of the coming new year will find him in the sky, on a flight from Chicago to London "drinking champagne at 32,000 feet."

The Canadian programmer, whose Doomsday 2000 article in Computerworld magazine in 1993 helped fire up the Y2K hysteria, has decided to play down the threat, saying we should prepare for the millennium bug "like it's Hurricane Dennis."

Sounds strangely like the kind of advice I've given in the past.

But now, having lived through a pre-millennial catastrophe, I'd like to sound a note of caution for our newly intrepid jet-setter de Jager: Have you thought about bringing along a can of insect spray?

http://www.usatoday.com/life/cyber/cc.htm

-- Homer Beanfang (Bats@bellfry.com), September 14, 1999

Answers

Sam,

The next time you paint your car in the garage make sure it is properly ventilated.

-- Homer Beanfang (Bats@inbellfry.com), September 14, 1999.

Ignorance is bliss.

-- no talking please (breadlines@soupkitchen.gov), September 14, 1999.

I saw this guy coming.

Those Dratted Nines

-- Lane Core Jr. (elcore@sgi.net), September 14, 1999.

Yes Lane core you are such a big brain. I love your smarts. you are just the bees knees. You are never wrong about anything are? Talk about setting up a straw man. Is this your way of trying to weasel out of your y2k induced corner? Are you just going to keep harping how "right" you were about the 9's? Grow up.

-- Super Polly (Fu_Q_y2kfreaks@hotmail.com), September 14, 1999.