Dear Tech Support:

I am writing this letter as a last resort. Last year I upgraded from Girfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed the new program began unexpected Child processing which took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenen was mentioned in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization and immediately monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Football 5.0, Pokernight 3.1 and BoysNightOut 2.5 no longer run at all and crash the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of the other programs. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 but cannot get Wife 1.0 to uninstall.

Can you help me, please?? Joe

Tech Support answer letter

Dear Joe:

This is a very common problem that men complain about but it is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many programmers upgrade fom Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the miscoception that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES AND ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is actually an "OPERATING SYSTEM" and is designed by it's creator to run EVERYTHING. It is unlikely that you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend &.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing could be gained from attempting this purge.

It is impossible to un-install, delete or otherwise purge the program files from the system once installed. There is no way to change Wife 1.0 back to the previous ENTERTAINMENT program of Girlfriend 7.0. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or even Wife 2.0 but almost all have ended up with far more problems than at the beginning. Look in your manual under WARNINGS "Alimony and Child Support".

Keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest that you read the entire section of the manual regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that occur regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGISE. In any case, avoid excessive use of the ESC key because ultimately you will have to use the APOLOGISE command anyway before the operating system will return to normal parameters. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.

Wife 1.0 is a geat program but extermely high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 such as Flowers 2.1, Chocolates 5.7 and Cordon Bleu 100.00. WARNING!!! DO NOT install Short Skirted Secretary 3.3. This is not a supported application for the operating system Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system and, in some cases, potential physical harm to the the programmer.

Best of Luck Tech Support

-- Lobo (atthelair@yahoo.com), September 11, 1999

Answers

Now you know what it was like to "upgrade" from DOS to Windows.

-- vbProg (vbProg@MicrosoftAndIntelSuck.com), September 11, 1999.

My Wife 1.0 appears to be sucking up all my RAM. Do you think if I run the Defragmentation device on My Wife every night that My Wife might ease off on my HARD DRIVE?

-- @ (@@@.@), September 11, 1999.

LOL Lobo, loved it!

Regards,

-- FactFinder (FactFinder@bzn.com), September 11, 1999.

To @: Perhaps if you succeeded in getting Wife 1.0 to run to completion of her program, you would achieve full intergration of your databases without so much use of your hard drive resources. After all, given the age of your machine you probably don't have that much RAM to waste.

-- Lobo (atthelair@yahoo.com), September 12, 1999.

Lobo,

You must have me confused with another customer. I have a very new machine and a VERY large hard drive. The problem with using My Wife 1.0 was that it was not allowing me to utilize my extensive resources on any other applications. I have already solved the problem. I dumped My Wife in the recycle bin and installed Nympho NT. Nympho NT is always up and running and is very compatible with any other applications I wish to explore. In fact, Nympho NT is similar to Linux in that it has no problem running side by side with multiple applications from other networks. Thanks anyway, but things are great now!

-- @ (@@@.@), September 12, 1999.

@......AHHHHH!!! YA GOT ME!!

(Great answer by the way).

-- Lobo (atthelair@yahoo.com), September 13, 1999.