Welcome to Millenium Madness World where you can ride the scariest roller coaster ever "The Great Stock Market Crash" as you climb above 12,000 feet on invisible scaffolding (its all done with mirrors)and then plummet to the ground. Give your guts a turn in the "Amazing Media Spin-a-Whirld." See your favorite charachters Scary Gary and Koski the talking parrot.

Whats your favorite ride in the Land of TEOTWAWKI?

-- R (riversoma@aol.com), September 07, 1999

Answers

I can't afford a ticket.

Where can I sneak in for free?

-- Randolph (dinosaur@williams-net.com), September 07, 1999.

Dead Man's Gulch, navigate in pirate ship.

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (allaha@earthlink.net), September 07, 1999.

I prefer the sheer thrills of the "Log Flumes"......tinfoil HIGHLY recommended for that final "splash" into chlorine corner....skin burns are possible!!

Keepon

p.s. Not to be mistaken for the "Log Fumes" which could appear on your street when the sewer system plugs up.

-- Keepon (vacillating@hourly.edu), September 07, 1999.

The haunted house.

The Great Koskinen's voice bellowing out of the speakers at the entrance, enticing the passers-by to enter. Corpses and gun toting hungry maniacs flashing by as the lights go on and off. Pools of murky water with dead babies floating in them. The temperature is cold and you can see your breath, you shiver but you're not sure if it's from cold or fright. The background noise is a mix of crying frightened children, beggers' rattling tincans, explosions you hear and smell but can't see where they come from, gun shots, shrill screams of women. The air is foul and thick. Toward the end of the ride is a plush scene of red carpets, velvet curtains and mahogany furniture. In dim redish light, hangs Clinton and Monica Lewinsky on a thin latex rope, and the decomposing bodies of senators and congressmen on the floor around around them. Through the velvet sheilded window passes a revolving scene of a ragged, angry mob.

-- Chris (%$^&^@pond.com), September 08, 1999.

ChRIs!!!!!! gET OuT of THe hOusE MoRe!!!!!! moRBiD HyeNA!!!!!

bOyS, GiRLs, jaCKAss bUNghOLeS Of aLL AGeS!!!!!! cOmE TO dIEteR's fUn HoUSe!!!!!! maGIcAL MirrORs maKE smALL MinDS ElaRgeD!!!!!! sHEd eXCeSs pOUndS On dIETeR's wHeeL Of reVOLvINg scAPUlaS!!!!!! sLidE DowN THe iNFErnaL CHutE Of wISDOm!!!!!! cLiMb iF YoU DaRE DIeTeR's VIbrATInG STaiRs oF IDoLATrY!!!!!! mORE yOu sAY????? idIOT!!!! bEWaRE!!!!! lOSe YoUR LuNCH iN DIeTeR'S GLaSS MazE Of fLATULenCE!!!!!!! tIlT, sCREam, aND DUcK In DIeTeR's naSaL DRiP FLumE rIDe!!!!!! hUh????? eNOuGH yOu sAY????? bUT wHY????? cOUlD YoU yEt bLissFuLLy SLeeP HaVInG MiSSEd tHE CaBLe PoD RidE????? nEIn!!!!!!! yOu CAnnOT!!!!!! iNFIdELs!!!!!!

-- Dieter (questions@toask.com), September 08, 1999.

Whirled Chaos - an "E" ticket. First there's the spin. Then everyone hits the wall, then the bottom drops out.

-- Capn Oh-Oh (prepping@4whats2.com), September 08, 1999.

I'm throwing in my hand on this one. No way I could top Dieter.

-- Bokonon (bok0non@my-Deja.com), September 08, 1999.

DIeTeR will take a free ride on my "5 D Cell Mag Lite Special" if he or she gets in between me and my family and our bug out place. Ditto for anyone else, drawing a gubmint paycheck or not. I guarantee at least someone will enjoy it :-).

-- DieTeRbEAtEr (having.fun@hideyhole.org), September 08, 1999.

Whats your favorite ride in the Land of TEOTWAWKI?

Answer: the shooting gallery. I wanted to go thru The Tunnel Of Love & Survival, but I couldn't find a girl to go with:(

-- CS Man (csm@smoke.com), September 08, 1999.

dO NoT YOU HuMAN iNFIdELs EVeR LEaRn??????? weLL????? pePpEROnI!!!!!

mR MaGLigHT, i SEe yOUr 5 ceLL, AnD RAisE YoU 6 d ceLLs!!!!!!! idIOt!!!! yOu MuST BE veRy caREfuL WheN PlaYIng ThE "MutuAL aSSurED d- cELL-stRUCTIoN" ARms RaCE WiTH dieTEr!!!!! HyenA buNGHoLe!!!!!

-- Dieter (questions@toask.com), September 08, 1999.

Nobody mentioned my fave..."The Food-Line-O-Fun" Stand in line, step right up! Get in Line to recieve the top-O-th'-line MRE/Guvmint Ration...approved and regarded by hungry third worlders the world over!!!

-- Billy-Boy (Rakkasn@Yahoo.com), September 08, 1999.

Thanks for the laugh, guys. I really really needed it. I hope I get to be in the same prison camp with Dieter. It's the laughter that will keep us alive.

-- April (Alwzapril@home.com), September 08, 1999.

Once again I have displeased dIeTeR :-( You're right, I have to get out more. I'm sorry DiEtEr, that was the first thing that came to my mind, I used to be terrified of hunted houses as a kid, and thought I'd never feel that terror again as I grew up. Being a GI brought that back.

But hey, it's just a ride, and my imagination has always gotten the better of me. Wanna come with me through the Tunnel of Love?

-- Chris (%$^&^@pond.com), September 08, 1999.

Thrill to Martial Lawville. Watch Jackbooted U.N. Soldiers torture children over a campfire while busting down doors and rounding up guns. See Bill Clinton crown himself king. Salute the U.N. flag.

Tim

-- Tim the Y2K nut (tmiley@yakko.cs.wmich.edu), September 08, 1999.

When we're done here, we can go to the Polar Ice Cap O'Rama and the Tremblor Zone, swim in the Tsunami Sea, and put our special glasses on for the late night Solar Flare show. Chain the giant Comet Lee and jump on board. First stop, Edgar Caseyville.

-- Mara Wayne (MaraWayne@aol.com), September 08, 1999.

Just point me to the stall where you can win a free teddy bear by shooting a lot of looters.

-- Dog Gone (layinglow@rollover.now), September 08, 1999.

DIeTeR:

Got Y2KY Jelly? :-)

-- DiEtERbEAtER (having.fun@hideyhole.org), September 08, 1999.

Note:

No smoking allowed in Dieter's glass maze of flatulence.

Like that one Dieter. LOL

-- Clyde (clydeblalock@hotmail.com), September 08, 1999.

Let's recite the "new" Pledge of Allegience together...

I pledge allegience, to the flag

of the United Nations of NWO....

And to the dictatorship for which it stands...

One world, indivisible,

With liberty and justice for NONE.

-- Dennis (djolson@pressenter.com), September 08, 1999.

Stand in a mile long line in the searing heat to buy a 8oz bottle of luke warm water for $5. Oh wait, that was last weekend at Great Adventure.

-- kritter (kritter@adelphia.net), September 08, 1999.

It used to be difficult and a real eye strain to read Dieter's posts. Now, I zip right through them and that's scary.

-- Vic (Rdrunner@internetwork.net), September 08, 1999.

DiETeR forgot to mention the section of the funhouse ride which goes through the target row of the Y2K Shooting Gallery, which will of course be having a special, 500 shots for a bucket of grain.

WW

-- Wildweasel (vtmldm@epix.net), September 08, 1999.

Hey, riversoma:

I finally got into the Millennium Madness World!

I was sneaking around the back fence when I met this ugly clown.

He was desperate for some TP, so I gave him a roll from my bug out backpack, and he let me in.

That clown was smelly and creepy. Probably looks uglier without his costume and makeup.

Oh, almost forgot, his name is Greenspan.

Then I wandered around, snagged an MRE and Curly Fries from the Red Cross, Really Cross Ill-Prepared Booth and chowed down.

Suddenly I heard this loud explosion and raced over to this weird looking building called dIEteR's fUn HoUSe.

The security guards were panicking and chasing after some strange little German who was yelling "UnFASsbAR!!! UnFASsbAR!!! AcH, ScHEIsSe!!!!!!!"

He ran back into dIEteR's fUn HoUSe and then the whole place caught fire and burned.

Then a whole buncha fireworks started exploding from the center.

The crowd cheered and whistled.

Ain't Y2K noncompliance a blast?

Gotta look around some more...

-- Randolph (dinosaur@williams-net.com), September 08, 1999.