Could there be a y2k connection here?

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and were still smelling pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the b.o.

Baths equaled a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By

then the water was so dirty you could actually loose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water".

Houses had thatched roofs. Thick straw, piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the pets... dogs, cats and other small animals, mice, rats, bugs lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying, "It's raining cats and dogs,"

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could really mess up your nice clean bed. So, they found if they made beds with big posts and hung a sheet over the top, it addressed that problem. Hence those beautiful big 4 poster beds with canopies.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying "dirt poor".

The wealthy had slate floors which would get slippery in the winter when wet. So they spread thresh on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on they kept adding more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed at the entry way, hence a "thresh hold".

They cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They mostly ate vegetables and didn't get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes the stew had food in it that had been in there for a month. Hence the rhyme: peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."

Sometimes they could obtain pork and would feel really special when that happened. When company came over, they would bring out some bacon and hang it to show it off. It was a sign of wealth and that a man "could really bring home the bacon."

They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat."

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with a high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food. This happened most often with tomatoes, so they stopped eating tomatoes... for 400 years.

Most people didn't have pewter plates, but had trenchers - a piece of wood with the middle scooped out like a bowl. Trencher were never washed and a lot of times worms got into the wood. After eating off wormy trenchers, they would get "trench mouth."

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the "upper crust".

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would sometimes knock them out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a "wake".

England is old and small and they started running out of places to bury people. So, they would dig up coffins and would take their bones to a house and re-use the grave. In reopening these coffins, one out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they thought they would tie a string on their wrist and lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night to listen for the bell. Hence on the "graveyard shift" they would know that someone was "saved by the bell" or he was a "dead ringer".

-- Those who do not learn from history (@re.destined to repeat it), August 03, 1999

Answers

Once there was a crippled guy whose job it was to ring the town bell. But seeing that he had no arms to pull the cord with he had to bang on the bell with his head. One day he was ringing the bell, got dizzy, and fell out of the high belltower window to his death. Two people walked by and noticed the man laying on the ground. One asked the other; "Do you know him?", to which the other person said; "No, but his face rings a bell!".

The town hired the dead man's twin brother to fill in for his position to ring the town bell. One day he was ringing the bell, he got confused by the loud noise and fell out the high window in the belltower. The two people walked by again and one said to the other; "Do you recognize that guy?", to which the other person said; "No, but he is a dead ringer for the first guy!".

-- (Sir@puns.alot), August 03, 1999.

Gentlemen properly escort ladies on their left side. That is so their right arm will be unencumbered to draw their sword.

Men's shirts and coats button with the left side overlapping, which makes the coat most easily unbuttoned with the left hand...again leaving the right hand free to draw one's edged weapon).

The expression "in a bind" comes from a fencing maneuver (the bind) which often disarms the opponent (who is truly in a bind...).

-- Mad Monk (madmonk@hawaiian.net), August 03, 1999.

Men, when escorting ladies, walk on the street side of the sidewalk with the lady on the side toward the building. During medievel times, people would throw their wastes (food, excrement, etc) out the window. The natural arc of falling garbage would carry it out to the street, leaving the area next to the building fairly safe for walking. The man, being the chivalrous gent that he was, would allow the lady to walk in the safe area next to the building while he would brave flying turds and other offal by walking closer to the street.

I am not aware of any saying(s) that this practice engendered. This is a bit of a stretch: If the lady was carrying a fan to cool herself with, you knew you were in trouble if "the s___ hit the fan."

-- rob (rbminor@hotmail.com), August 03, 1999.

BRING OUT YOUR DEAD!!

-- Monty Python (dead@cart.com), August 03, 1999.

Old Man: I'm not dead!

Cart-master: 'Ere! 'E says 'e's not dead!

Man: Yes he is.

Old Man: I'm not!

Cart-master: 'E isn't?

Man: Well... he will be soon-- he's very ill...

Old Man: I'm getting better!

Man: No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment...

-- Mac (sneak@lurk.hid), August 03, 1999.

Customer: hi, our T1 is dead

Bell: please describe for me why you think it is down.` Customer: because it is dead. it is down. it is not functioning

Bell: No, no, it's uh, it's resting

Customer: Look matey, I know a dead T1 when I see it, and I'm looking at one right now.

Bell: No no it's not dead, it's, it's restin'! Remarkable line, the T1, idn'it, ay? Beautiful bits!

Customer: The bits don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

Bell: Nonononono, no, no. It's resting.

Customer: All right then, if it's resting, I'll wake it up. ELLO, MISTER TELLY T1! I've got a lovely fresh news spool for you if you show.

Bell: See- it's working!

Customer: No it isn't- that was you.

Bell: I never!

Customer: Yes, you did!

Bell: I never did anything.

Customer: ELLO T1!!!! TESTING TESTING TESTING! This is your 9 o'clock cron job download!

Now that's what I call a dead T1!

Bell: No, no, you stunned it.

Customer: STUNNED!?

Bell: Yeah- you stunned it just as it was starting to accept packets. T1s stun easily, major.

Customer: Um, now look mate. I've had enough of this. This T1 is definitely deceased, and when we hooked it up not more than a day ago, you assured me that its total inability to transmit was due to it being tired and shagged out after trying to pull across all of alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.really.really.nasty last night.

Bell: Well, it's , ah, it's just pining for the ARPANET.

Customer: PINING FOR THE ARPANET?!? What kind of talk is that? Look, why did it drop every packet as soon as we plugged it into this Sparc?

Bell: The T1 prefers to drop packets from a Sparc. Remarkable line, isn't it. Lovely bits.

Customer: Look, I took the liberty of dissassembling the smartjack last night, and found that the only reason that it looked like it was working it because you'd wired the lights to a battery.

Bell: Well, of course. If we hadn't, it might have burned the whole smartjack out-VOOM VOOM!

Customer: VOOM? Mate, this line wouldn't voom if you put four million volts through it. It's bleeding demised!

Bell: No, no, it's pining.

Customer: It's not pining, it's passed on! This line is not working! It has ceased to transmit! Bereft of data, it lies in peace. If you hadn't wired the lights it would have been recycled. It carries 0MB/sec! It's no longer functional- it's shuffled off the backbone and gone to meet its maker. THIS IS AN EX-T1!

Bell: Well, we better fix it then. 'Fraid we're all out of working T1s.

Customer: I see, I see. I get the picture

Bell: I've got an AOL disk and a 2400 baud modem.

Customer: Pray, does it work?

Bell: Nnnnot really...

-- biker (y2kbiker@worldnet.att.net), August 03, 1999.

Biker,

ROTFLMAO!!

": Look, I took the liberty of dissassembling the smartjack last night, and found that the only reason that it looked like it was working it because you'd wired the lights to a battery."

Tee heee heeee!! :-D

-- Python Lover (funny@biker.hehe), August 03, 1999.