How to win a Y2K arguement

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How to win a Y2K arguement, no matter your view.

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this and steer clear of me at meetings. Often, as a sign of their great >respect, they don't even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules: *Drink liquor. Suppose you are at a meeting and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy, a subject you know nothing about. If you're drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date. But if you drink several large martinis, you'll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about the Y2K economy. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights of information. And possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room. *Make things up.Suppose, in the Y2K economy argument, you are trying to prove that Y2K workers are ovwederpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are underpaid, and you'll be damned if you're going to let a bunch of Y2K eorkers be better off. DON'T say: "I think the Y2K workers are overpaid, Say instead: "The average Y2K workers salary in 1998 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $100,452.81 per annum, hich is $111,836.07 before the mean gross poverty level." NOTE: Always make up exact figures. If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up too. Say: "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for the the Buford Commission published on May 9, 1998. Didn't you read it?"

Memorize this list:

Let me put it this way Per se Vis-a-vis As it were Qua So to speak In terms of It is commonly known

You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as "Q.E.D.", "e.g.", and "i.e." These are all short for "I speak Latin, and you don't."

Here's how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say, The average person would like to order supplies more often, but they don't have enough money."

You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say, "Let me put it this way. In terms of supplies vis-a-vis qua preparers, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it were Q.E.D."

Only a fool would challenge that statement. *Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks.

You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevant phrases to fire back at your opponents when they make valid points. The best are:

You're begging the question.

You're being defensive.

Don't compare apples to oranges.

What are your parameters?

This last one is especially valuable. Nobody (other than engineers and policy wonks) has the vaguest idea what "parameters" means.

You say: As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873...

Your opponent says: Lincoln died in 1865.

You say: You're begging the question.

You say: Liberians, like most Asians...

Your opponent says: Liberia is in Africa

You say: You're being defensive.

*Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler

This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say,"That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say," or "You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler."

So that's it. You now know how to out-argue anybody. Do not try to pull any of this on people who generally carry weapons.

-- Cherri (sams@brigadoon.com), July 27, 1999

Answers

What excactly do you win when winning an argument??

-- blah,blah,blah, (blah@blah.blah), July 27, 1999.

You're confusing "win an argument" with "appear to win an argument".

-- number six (Iam_not_a_number@hotmail.com), July 27, 1999.

Good point 6!

-- blah (blah@blah.blah), July 27, 1999.

You begged the question, Blah.

-- KoFE (your@town.USA), July 27, 1999.

Hahahahaha!! And here I was thinking the art of convo was dead! Thanks for cheering me up Cherri : )

-- Prizn (dedcow@yahoo.com), July 27, 1999.


Cherri,

Once you get to the Drink Liquor part, which is at the top of your self proclaimed success story, you are joining any barroom debate anywhere. You just *think* you are winning arguments. It's all in your mind at that point. But at least I now know why you post the stuff you do. Do you notice that you mostly appeal to other drunks?

-- Gordon (gpconnolly@aol.com), July 27, 1999.


You can't always win. If you always MUST win, you'll end up losing in the long run.

-- Tim (pixmo@pixelquest.com), July 27, 1999.

With Y2k bearing down on us in five months, this is a total waste of time. Y2K will not listen to any argument, disinfomation or appeal to logic.

-- Sandmann (Sandmann@alasbab.com), July 27, 1999.

Cherri's arsenal is missing a couple of arrows.

Paradigm and meme -- they never fail.

-- Tom Carey (tomcarey@mindspring.com), July 27, 1999.


bold off-- sorry--

-- Tom Carey (tomcarey@mindspring.com), July 27, 1999.


Cherri,

Simply follow these rules: *Drink liquor.

You're not winning any arguments. These people simply realize that they are talking to a drunken a**hole who makes stuff up and they stop wasting their breath. I don't call that 'winning'.

-TECH32-

-- TECH32 (TECH32@NOMAIL.COM), July 27, 1999.


You're assuming the folks on the other side have a brain. Not the case with doomers. None of them have brains, I so throughly convinced they should all be locked up and should not be allowed to procreate. But then again Darwin should be forcing a hand in that pretty soon.

-- Maria (anon@ymous.com), July 27, 1999.

Cherri, I always suspected you had a drinking problem. Glad to see you don't deny it.

-- a (a@a.a), July 27, 1999.

ROTFL Cherri,

(hich) Sho glad to shee shomeone shtill hash a (hich) shensh of humor!

Thanks for the searingly humorous insights. ;-)



-- Deborah (infpwars@yahoo.com), July 27, 1999.


very good, cherri. what concerns me are the number of posters who apparently thought you were serious, e.g. 'you're not *really* winning an argument.'

i *did* like your last line, though.

-- Cowardly Lion (cl0001@hotmail.com), July 27, 1999.



Why waste time arguing with anyone? Your argument isn't based on fact, it's only an opinion, and my opinion is just as good as yours. So nobody wins, so what! If you want to feel good about yourself go make love to yourself!

-- noargumenthere (noargumenthere@noargument.com), July 27, 1999.

Cherri forgot to caution that drinking too much liquor will make you invisible. This is why when you are drunk you can make faces at people, wear lamp shades on your head, take off your clothes, etc. It doesn't matter what you look like or do because your invisible. It always works unless you really need it to. No exceptions.

Watch six and keep your...

-- eyes_open (best@wishes.net), July 27, 1999.


Cherri:

One of the BEST!! ROFLMAO !!!!!

-- Dennis (djolson@pressenter.com), July 27, 1999.


BWAHAHAHA !! Thanks Cherri, I needed that !

-- biker (y2kbiker@worldnet.att.net), July 27, 1999.

This is hysterical and I intend to follow the rules exactly. It is a wonderful paradigm that will work so well on my favorite subjects--religion and politics--especially in theological arguments at church. Should end all discussion right there. I cannot believe the responses you are getting. Seems to me that there are some folks out there that are wound a bit too tightly, lately. I'll bet they need those two large martinis. I have to make sure I stock up on vermouth and good gin. Could help as bribes when the UN guys come to get me for the camps. :-)

-- T.E. (applpie@aol.com), July 27, 1999.

Never let it be said that (some) doomers don't have a sense of humor. Some don't. Good post Cherri. We all should lighten up occasionally.

-- Vic (Rdrunner@internetwork.net), July 27, 1999.

I disagree. Y2K is far too serious, and time is far to short, to engage in humor. Lets stay on topic, please.

-- King of Spain (madrid@aol.com), July 27, 1999.

I got it off of a humor list and changed a little to pertain to Y2K. And No, I don't drink. My typing and spelling are bad enough can you immagine what it would look like if I drank? *ROFL*

-- Cherri (sams@brigadoon.com), July 27, 1999.

Ahhhhh......YES!

King, Lighten up dude. If you weren't interested in humor, why did you read all of the posts above?

Cheri, *I* think it was funny.

And yes, I did catch the irony in some of the posts. Classic.

Let me throw one in there:

If you are being tanked in an arguement, just make up some anonymous names and pretend to be five or six people and personally lambast people with Ad Hominum attacks.

OO! I did it again!

Now, everybody say with me "you eeeeeeeeediot"

Wooo hoo!

-- JAW (clueless@pollyanna.com), July 27, 1999.


Cherri, In my line of work, I like 'paradigm' a lot. It's great.

I also use 'issue'. Like, "There seems to be an issue with that system". It's nicer than 'big a@@ bug'.

ha ha ha! First time I've laughed on this board. Great!

-- Bryce (bryce@seanet.com), July 28, 1999.


Hey King of Spain,

Do you mean on topic like "Do you mud wrestle?"

Wanker!

-- zippidee do dah (zip@dee.day), July 28, 1999.


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