As anybody who has ever actually bothered to read my posts knows, on Y2K I'm fairly "middle of the road"--you know, the place where you find dead skunks. In general, it's a position guaranteed to elicit the scorn of "polly" and "doomer" alike. It's rather akin to being an agnostic--one is assured of the contempt of true believers and atheists alike.

I do typically try to have posts filled with facts, or as near to the facts as I can get--the relationship is sometimes long distance. Some of these posts have been based on long hours of rather boring research when I would much rather have been doing something else, like sticking myself with pins. It was the work of a concerned, committed (twice) citizen.

So this post is intended as something of a break for all concerned, designed to remind myself that my true calling (GTE Sprint, only 5c a minute on weekends) is American literature and humor.

Take the below--and it's way too below--in the spirit (general insanity) in which it was intended; and please understand, when it comes to comedy/joke writing, I have letters of recommendation from two of the biggest names in the business, Jay Leno and David Letterman. Leno recommended that I write jokes for Letterman; Letterman recommended that I write jokes for Leno.

Y2K has given new meaning to the old term "computer dating" (though both are disasters, it seems). When I read the June 30th Bloomberg News article quoting TAVA chief operating officer Cameron Daley as saying that Y2K-related regional power outages lasting days or even weeks were at least remotely possible, I thought of the good old Sixties activist days and envisaged people marching next January through the darkened streets of my neighborhood chanting "Power to the people!" (Want empowerment? Buy a generator.) And then I thought of some possible songs and hymns for Y2K. If I have ever mentioned any of these before, kindly forgive me, for 'tis the summer re-run season. Feel free to add your own, if you have no shame.

"Rubber Ducky" (whoops, wrong thread)

"The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia" (with a special dedication to state representative George Grindley)

"The Sounds of Silence" (old Simon & Garfunkel song, which begins "Hello darkness, my old friend")

"Sixteen Candles" (if ya got 'em, light 'em)

"The Last Link Is Broken" (a nineteenth-century hymn that might take on dramatic new relevance for saint and sinner alike)

"Ball of Confusion" (an old Temptations song that probably should be the Y2K theme song)

Hmm. Now I understand why, during a camping trip on the North Rim of the Grand Canyon many, many years ago, the Scout Master said that I would go far. (Did you know that the Colorado River is at the bottom of the Grand Canyon? I didn't until I got down there.)

-- Don Florence (dflorence@zianet.com), July 21, 1999

Answers

How about:

"This little light of mine [I'm gonna let it shine!]

-- Gypsy (GypsiGold@aol.com), July 21, 1999.

You know... as I am typing this, there is this snappy tune playing on the radio by a band called REM. Anyone care to guess the name?

-- (cannot-say@this.time), July 21, 1999.

"Bringing in the sheep"

-- R (riversoma@aol.com), July 21, 1999.

Here's a favorite:

Two Digits for a Date > >(to the tune of "Gilligan's Island," more or less) > >Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale >Of the doom that is our fate. >That started when programmers used >Two digits for a date. >Two digits for a date. > >Main memory was smaller then; >Hard disks were smaller, too. >"Four digits are extravagant, >So let's get by with two. >So let's get by with two." > >"This works through 1999," >The programmers did say. >"Unless we rewrite before that >It all will go away. >It all will go away." > >But Management had not a clue: >"It works fine now, you bet. >A rewrite is a straight expense; >We won't do it just yet. >We won't do it just yet." > >Now when 2000 rolls around >It all goes straight to hell, >For zero's less than ninety-nine, >As anyone can tell. >As anyone can tell. > >The mail won't bring your pension check. >It won't be sent to you >When you're no longer sixty-eight, >But minus thirty-two. >But minus thirty-two. > >The problems we're about to face >Are frightening, for sure. >And reading every line of code's >The only certain cure. >The only certain cure. > >ckey change, big finish! > >There's not much time, >There's too much code. >(And Cobol-coders, few) >When the century is finished with, >We may be finished, too. >We may be finished, too. > >Eight thousand years from now I hope >That things weren't left too late, >And people aren't then lamenting >Four digits for a date. >Four digits for a date.

-- BB (peace2u@bellatlantic.net), July 21, 1999.

The Al Go Rhythm Blues Band The Al Go Rhythm Blues Band Radio

http://www.mp3.com/artists/13/the_al_go_rhythm_blues_band.html

Song lyrics The Y2k Blues c.1999 Larry Larstead APRA # 190298649 larstead@mailcity.com

Open Instrumental

The lights went out, cause their werent no juice. Its got theY2k Blues I flicked the switch, but it werent no use. Its got theY2k Blues City street so dark, bizarre! I looked up, man I could see the Stars? Neighbour George looking for his fuse. Hes got the Y2k Blues

Instrumental

Paper Boy says there ant no news. Hes got theY2k Blues Tried the phone but it just refused. Its got them Y2k Blues The fridge is off, and the furnace died! The beer is hot , but its cold outside! All them White Goods that we used to use, they got the Y2k Blues

Instrumental Plus Verse

---------- Chorus---------- My Ride wont start but I cant complain, cause I was booked on an aeroplane. that fell from the sky and theres no rescue, they got Y2k Blues ------------------------------

Instrumental

---------- Chorus---------- Johnny Walker cant make his booze, and liquour store man is not amused, the last good thing that was left to lose has got the Y2k Blues ------------------------------ Instrumental ya know the last good thing that was left to lose has got the Y2k Blues I got theY2k Blues I got them Y2k Blues Recently we had our project studio computer up-graded to be y2k compliant. It took 7 weeks to get it back. By that time we were almost out of business. Just image what is going to happen on 31 Dec 1999??

Story behind the song Recently we had our project studio computer up-graded to be y2k compliant. It took 7 weeks to get it back. By that time we were almost out of business. Just image what is going to happen on 31 Dec 1999??

Y2K Blues by Reeking Havoc http://www.mp3.com/artists/8/reeking_havoc.html

Song lyrics Story behind the song Y2k blues

The man who makes the toilet paper has left town He's headed for the hills Now I can't find any toilet paper around And you know what it means When I know I'll die don't dare to kiss my ass goodbye Got the y2k blues, got em bad Got the y2k blues, it's so sad

The men who take your taxes cannot he found They're on their way to Mars And social security might not be around They're traveling first class They don't care if you die, already kissed your ass goodbye Got the y2k blues, got em bad Got the y2k blues, we've been had

You ask why

We used to eat everything from chicken to pork Back when hunting was a sport Now my neighbor looks at me like I am ham He's got a rifle and a fork Singing before I die, I'm gonna fry your ass goodbye Got the y2k blues, got em bad Got the y2k blues, we've been had

You ask why You ask why

We're waiting for enlightenment from the messiah To save our souls past '99 He's making deals with the Dominion just to pay for our sins He's a compassionate guy Although he aint got the time, came back to kiss our ass goodbye Got the y2k blues, got em bad Got the y2k blues, we've been had

You ask why You ask why You ask why They'll say y2k--y2k--y2k blues Why not!

The man who makes the toilet paper has left town...

Get ready for the millennium.

-- B.K. Myers (B.K.Myers@juno.com), July 21, 1999.

a previous song thread...there are others

-- number six (rewrewr@retreteret.tiuy), July 21, 1999.

Thanks for all the suggestions and lyrics!

Well, if Y2K interrupts your source of heat next January, a Y2K "blues" song will be most apropos!

I see that "humptydumpty" already mentioned "Ball of Confusion" on a previous thread. And I probably mentioned it once upon a time, too, long before today's post; at any rate, it has stuck in my head for some reason. (No comments, please.) I'll add "The Night Chicago Died." Maybe also "Starry, Starry Night"--Y2K reduces artificial light pollution, you know.

-- Don Florence (dflorence@zianet.com), July 21, 1999.

I can think of two which can be interpreted as "doomer songs" right now.

1) Bruce Springsteen's "Born to Run". If you live in New Jersey you had better be prepared to.

2) Neil Young's "After the Gold Rush". It was on the radio today and the line "I was thinking about what a friend had said, I was hoping it was a lie." stood out in a way I've never heard before. Of course I don't think I've heard it while immersed in Y2K thought before today.

And for the pollys there's Frank Zappa's "Eat That Question". Come about thre weeks into the New Year, their standad line of "Why are all you fool doomers wasting time and money preparing?" may be all they may have to eat.

WW

-- Wildweasel (vtmldm@epix.net), July 21, 1999.

I love the Gilligan's Island Y2K song (above) so much I programmed the tune in as the ring tone on my Ericsson mobile phone!

RonD

-- Ron Davis (rdavis@ozemail.com.au), July 21, 1999.

I WILL SURVIVE...

The rest I forget, LOL

-- Tim (pixmo@pixelquest.com), July 21, 1999.

Ever really listened to Styx' "Best of Times" from Paradise Theater?

-- yerfdog (yerfdog@qwestinternet.net), July 22, 1999.