Reporter's Answers to recent federally posted Frequently Asked Questions. Follow this guide and you will save your assets and get out of hot water:

Q. "Will the Federal Government be ready for the Year 2000?"

A: "We were born ready dude."

Q. "Will the problem create major national disruptions in critical services?"

A: "No only global and local ones, but we don't have any problems. Oh and remember to vote Democrat in 2000."

Q. "I keep hearing that the Y2K problem will cause massive power outages. Is this true?"

A: "How the heck do I know? You sound like an extreme geek when you ask that. I do not want to be associated with a person like you. Go away. (next thing he'll do is get a generator humph)"

Q. "Should I keep large amounts of cash at home?"

A: "Want to be a robbery magnet, huh? Who has large amounts of cash to stash anyway? What an idiot"

Q. "Will it be safe to fly on January 1, 2000?"

A: "Hey, the FAA is fine, man. Get off my case."

Q. "How should people prepare for the Year 2000 transition?"

A: "Don't The strong economy can't handle it."

Q. "Ive heard about the President declaring "martial law" for Y2K. Is this true?"

A: "Why waste the time. He may be able to work with the current state of emergency."

-- Reporter (reporter_atlarge@hotmail.com), June 17, 1999

Answers

ROFLMAO

-- reader (reader@large.news), June 17, 1999.

excellent.

-- funny (lol@lol.haaa!), June 17, 1999.

wow,funnier than armpit noises....

-- zoobie (zoobiezoob@yahoo.com), June 17, 1999.

the inside script, crafted by the hired PR firm

-- h (h@h.h), June 17, 1999.