y2k doesn,t figure in END TIME PROPHECY

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when the moon turns red,then it,s close, i wonder if major nuclear wars could affect atmosphere enough to see red moon?? another biggee prophecy is when all nations turn on israel. i think y2k is just a dry run for the tribulation period.

-- al-d. (catt@zianet.com), June 12, 1999

Answers

I thought the moon was supposed to turn as black as sackcloth, when the seas boil, and the skies fall. Well anyway... prophecies, in my book, aren't worth the paper they are written on.

-- (oldyeller@sanfran.com), June 12, 1999.

Turn on your spell checker MORON.

-- Chicken Little (panic@forthebirds.net), June 12, 1999.

anyone else having trouble getting into the forum today? This morning it was blocked. Looks like there have only been a few threads added since 8 hours ago. (At least I got a nap in...)

-- jor-el (jor-el@krypton.uni), June 12, 1999.

A dry run? Please explain yourself.

-- Y2K Pro (2@641.com), June 12, 1999.

ya know Al-d, you hardly ever make a shred of sense... but your consistant (no laxative jokes) and your determined. To do what is anybody's guess but hey it's a free country. Keep on trucking brother.

-- (cheif-laughs@lot.com), June 12, 1999.


The sun, moon and stars are a picture of the true Israel and Israel was to become a Great Nation and a Great Company of Nations and they would be Christian as in the following...(Hosea 1:10 KJV) "Yet the number of the children of Israel shall be as the sand of the sea, which cannot be measured nor numbered; and it shall come to pass, that in the place where it was said unto them, Ye are not my people, there it shall be said unto them, Ye are the sons of the living God."

(Gen 37:9 KJV) "And he dreamed yet another dream, and told it his brethren, and said, Behold, I have dreamed a dream more; and, behold, the sun and the moon and the eleven stars made obeisance to me."

(Gen 48:19 KJV) "And his father refused, and said, I know it, my son, I know it: he also shall become a people, and he also shall be great: but truly his younger brother shall be greater than he, and his seed shall become a multitude of nations."

Is it not true that virtually all nations are against US? Bin Laden (is that how it is spelled?) has called for a holy war against all Americans. We are that Great Nation and the wolves have crept in to destroy us and they are very good at what they do.

However we will win this war and we will be FREE!

The Tribulation? Do you not think that the world is and has been in tribulation for decades?

We are Israel, even the word British translates Brit=Covenant and ish=people. Covenant people.

Also the Great Nation and the Great Company of Nations were to be Brother Nations.

If you want more info send an email to me.

-- Mark Hillyard (foster@inreach.com), June 12, 1999.


Hi there Jor-el :-) Yes, the Forum was down, server work at MIT, and they had trouble starting it back up, had to "restart manual" heeheehee, guess that term can even be used on computers!
It's been sorta bumpy, on-off, on-off, so we took a nap too.
We keep getting that "oops upgrading Oracle" page.

Now if Y2K doesn't figure into End Time Prophecy, maybe the visionaries were just seeing so much happening at once, what with the sky mayhem, sea broiling, beasts, locusts, swarms, plagues, and all manner of odd terrors one doesn't encounter everyday on trips to the market, that the computer snafus were left out.

After all, a sweaty p.o.ed programmer punching his puker as he goes thru a box of donuts doesn't look very exciting. The printouts of cock-eyed numbers in the skewered software belches don't look exciting either.

It's the cumulative results of the computer fouls, showing up in the "real" world, which may have had a brief cameo in the visionary prophesy screen. The accidents on 1/1/2000 will be spectacular, but the real devastation will accumulate over time afterwards. It is the stooooooopid human response that will bring on the more dazzling flashes across the skies of the prophet's visions.

xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (allaha@earthlink.net), June 12, 1999.


Here is the answer to the idea that Y2K may be that snare that takes the economy down...(Jer 50:24 KJV) "I have laid a snare for thee, and thou art also taken, O Babylon, and thou wast not aware: thou art found, and also caught, because thou hast striven against the LORD."

In the Book of Revelations the economy or System is called Babylon because that is where it originated, in Iraq...interesting no! And the following is the snare tripped...(Rev 18:9 KJV) "And the kings of the earth, who have committed fornication and lived deliciously with her, shall bewail her, and lament for her, when they shall see the smoke of her burning,"

(Rev 18:10 KJV) "Standing afar off for the fear of her torment, saying, Alas, alas that great city Babylon, that mighty city! for in one hour is thy judgment come."

(Rev 18:11 KJV) "And the merchants of the earth shall weep and mourn over her; for no man buyeth their merchandise any more:"

There is more to the story but that is it in a nutshell lest I get flamed for Preaching?

-- Mark Hillyard (foster@inreach.com), June 12, 1999.


Isn't there a forum for this? Pastor Chris I believe.

-- Y2kStud (Y2KStud@lover.com), June 12, 1999.

Right now it is only lying a sneer ...

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (allaha@earthlink.net), June 12, 1999.


yah,yah, i see it,now BABYLON the system, my,my, i remember months ago,on 1 of g.norths links, a computer wiz, said they had a picture of the tower of babel< means confusion-on there office wall and inside pic. of tower was all known codes. he said they used to laugh,but they ain,t laughing NOW. P.S FOR YOU PETER-PERFECTS i don,t have a spell check. hey bro. let-em flame, like the good lord said,heaven &earth will pass away,BUT my word will remain forever.

-- al-d. (catt@zianet.com), June 12, 1999.

i take that back about peter perfect. i am the only peter perfect around here. i am love stud.

-- al-d. (catt@zianet.com), June 12, 1999.

Y2Kstud,

Yes there is a forum for this but some people get mixed up and cannot see the facts as laid out therefore I took the opportunity to attempt to place the facts straight.

I don't want people preaching to me and I refrain from preaching to people who are not interested but perhaps if you looked at it as an ancient reference book then it may be easier to read and get some info that may be helpful.

-- Mark Hillyard (foster@inreach.com), June 12, 1999.


yo,ashton & leska, what the blip, is lying a sneer???

-- al-d. (catt@zianet.com), June 12, 1999.

al-d you are an idiot. You make about as much sense as NATO bombing Kosovo back to the "stone age".

-- Y2K Pro (2@641.com), June 12, 1999.


Is it just me or does al-d remind you too of Lawrence Ferlinghetti on a really odd day (how many of you can identify Ferlinghetti)? Okay, ee cummings?

Al,I too am a fanatically devoted disciple of our Lord Jesus but you really should post to Pastor Chris' forum. Plus, you said you would behave. However, you are so smashingly odd that you do fit in ... in a strange kind of way.

After all, no one is forcing anyone to go to your threads.

Y2KPro. Norm. Mutha. al-d.

Why not?

-- BigDog (BigDog@duffer.com), June 12, 1999.


some clown is using my handle, i didn,t post i,m perfect thing,but i,m not a bad lover, say,s my wife. never ceases to amaze me, talk about prophecy & some, get all riled up. but it,s ok. to mention prophecies of some joe dorkblunder. i,m so glad i don,t have to be PERFECT to be accepted.

-- al-d. (catt@zianet.com), June 12, 1999.

Yes it is found in the Oracle of Habakkuk in the second Chapter. "Will not your debtors suddenly arise?" I figured on a world wide revolution because of this ancient reference Book. You must read the New Internation Edition. I have to go now but will post, again with text and opinion.

Greg

-- Greg (brothergregory@hotmail.com), June 12, 1999.


i,m not abible thumper, i,m a referance thumper. flame on amigos, luv ya anyhow. geesh all i did was ask a ??? we all came from adam & eve, hehe, hey there brutha mutha.

-- al-d. (catt@zianet.com), June 12, 1999.

Al-d, the apostrophe is just a flick one key rightward of your right pinky. It is used to show an omission or contraction of letters where you leave letters out. Good thing to know for a man on an omen mission.

Now let's see you exercise that pinky and use apostrophes instead of commas in your apocalyptic catastrophic commentary ;^)

Where is Gayla?

xxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (allaha@earthlink.net), June 12, 1999.


al-d: your commas in place of apostophes indicates laziness. If you want credibility, try to improve. That is the nature of human evolution. If you show improvement, it means you care.

-- Feller (feller@wanna.help), June 12, 1999.

pastor chris sent me back here" he said i cuss too much;can you believe that shit.

-- al-d. (catt@zianet.com), June 12, 1999.

5/5/2000 or around that date the first time in 6000 yrs the earth, moon, and about 5 other planets line up. Y2k is just a bump in the road compared to this event.

please search 5/5/2000 on the web, your comments please. thanks

-- Arthur Washington (ARTWASH@webtv.net), June 12, 1999.


Could al-d be Alternate DiETeR?

-- Jill (jdance@mindspring.com), June 12, 1999.

i am so full of shit that i make myself sick. i gotta remember to take my prozac from now on.

-- al-d. (catt@zianet.com), June 12, 1999.

what,s it like to be a coward, chicken-shit punk. stop posting in my name. or come on down, & lets dance.

-- al-d. (catt@zianet.com), June 12, 1999.

Arthur,

When that planetary alignment takes place it causes a lot of stress on the plates or crust of all the planets, including us. It has happened many times, and as far as I can tell it doesn't produce happy times for the earth. Now, what shall we make of it and what shall we do about it?

-- Gordon (gpconnolly@aol.com), June 12, 1999.


Big Dog,

Sometimes this forum seems like one of those bar room scenes in Star Wars. You know, where there are so many different kinds of "folks" hanging round and socializing. So, I agree, al-d fits in just fine and he has told us some very interesting things, even if it was presented in a *pure* unadulterated way. Carry on, al-d, and I for one can accept your typing under the heading of "poetic license."

-- Gordon (gpconnolly@aol.com), June 12, 1999.


sHUTup shUT UP ShUT UP SHUt up sHUT up sHUt up shUT up shUT Up SHut Up!!!!!!!!!!!!

DEatH, YES!!!!!!!!!!! deATH, FOuL DEMIsE, ENdiNG OF yoUr maLARkarISt LifE COMes On tHE WinGS OF buFFaLo TO thoSE INfidELS WHo comAPaRE THe dieTER To the DRIveL Of al-D!!!!!!!!!!! silENcE CHilD!!!!!! spEAk NoT Of thINGs beYONd MeRE moRTAL COmprEHEnsiONs!!!!!!!!!

-- Dieter (questions@toask.com), June 12, 1999.


See what I mean Big Dog? Just like in Star Wars!

-- Gordon (gpconnolly@aol.com), June 12, 1999.

damn deeter,& they say i can,t spell,,peace BRO. remember we,re all related.take a deep breath && remember y2kpro is listening.

-- al-d. (catt@zianet.com), June 12, 1999.

if we digres to Rev. 17 towards the end it says the kings of the plotted against the woman . I think that slick woody , oh willy please excuse, is the problem here. Not y2k mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm martial law.

-- timfreeman (freeman@interx.net), June 12, 1999.

I can't believe how all you morons bite whenever --al-d. posts on this forum. You want the trolls out of here but yet you continually respond to them. Idiots!!!!

-- Lurker (Lurker@lurker.com), June 12, 1999.

hey dip shit quit posting under my handle. i will have to open up a can of whoop ass on you.

-- al-d. (catt@zianet.com), June 12, 1999.

Gordon,

I can see the bar scene. Electronic music, al-d sitting halfway down the bar, a blue-green and gold creature, his eyes on stalks...

Just kidding al-d, having a good time at the intergalactic watering hole...

-- mb (mdbutler@coastalnet.com), June 12, 1999.


check it out>lurker say,s your all morons;for coming to this thread, please tell me oh lurker-jerker,what are you doin-here? just had to take a peek huh,go back to the laxative post,do you have a fever???

-- al-d (catt@zianet.com), June 12, 1999.

dieTER- i hANg oN YOuR eVErY WoRd. pREAcH tO mE.

-- Gia (Laureltree7@hotmail.com), June 12, 1999.

I,LL PREACH TO YA, CAN I,HUH CAN I? grouchs & snobs get to suck lemons for 2 bzillion years. you just had to peek in didn,t cha,

-- ALBERT THE-D. (catt@ZIANET.COM), June 12, 1999.

gIa!!!!!!

beLLa!!!!!!!

BaMBIno, bAmBino deLL'cOh!!!!!!!! QuAnTo DiETer AMa iL luSt dELLe DOnnE SOprA Le SuE PARoLe?????????

MOltO!!!!!!! mOLto!!!!!!

-- Dieter (questions@toask.com), June 12, 1999.


I'm back now and read this thread. This is nuts, I am not wasting my time posting a follow up.

Greg

-- Greg (brothergregory@hotmail.com), June 12, 1999.


you arent going to do a follow up post you say. what do you call what you just posted? you are a big old dummy head

-- ALBERT THE-D. (catt@ZIANET.COM), June 12, 1999.

Hello:

I can understand the fear that such a post raises. No one want food until he is hungry. Don't want a dotor until it is to save their life. Don't want anything to do with God until they are at the end of life.

Beware of the one who sets time and dates and kisses the ground.

Now if you don't think I know you who seek independence of all that is good. Think again. For I knew you before the foundations of the world and you were swearing by all the heavens. Some came to earth as a chance to prove where their lolalty lay. Some were sent. Some came to be the thorns. Be sure of this, When you are one third of a conspirecy to overthrow GOD. Decisions have to be made as to where your true heart lie.

GOD and satin are on trial as to who you will choose.Only out of mercy are you given this chance of a few short years to make your decision. I am not anyone special, I have no big name.You don't have to believe me. Beggers have saved cities and countries and their names are never mentioned. This I will say, Every tree, every rock. every star , moon and sun will demand an answer that you give an accounting of your reason for living on this earth. Also will all the angels demand an answer. What will you say? I just followed the rest. Thats what got you in this mess in the first Place.

Lon

-- Lon (Lon1937@aol.com), June 13, 1999.


Lon, you are correct about all of the above. Unfortunately many people even facing death are still not interested in drawing closer to God. It has amazed us how ppl go right up to the end in their same old personality habit-ruts.

Call out for salvation NOW! Establish communion with God NOW! Seek Him NOW! Don't wait until death is approaching. Too often that is too late. Death nowadays is handled with drugs, drugs, and more drugs -- the patient doesn't have the clarity of mind, will, or thought to put out a soul-cry to God then. Demand His attention NOW!

xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx xxxx

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (allaha@earthlink.net), June 13, 1999.


This is absolutely the dumbest thread I've seen. So what is next? How many angels can dance of the head of a pin? How many notes on a saxaphone? When will you people learn to keep your faith to yourself and let the rest of the world live and let live. Every damn time I hear about god-stuff it's always condemnation and persecution. Well you know what? I've had it with that crap and I don't come here to be preached to! Okay, people aren't as good as they hoped their so called savior could have made them. So what is the fricken point? Do you really think life boils down to heaven or hell??? damnit it all!.......LET IT GO ALREADY!!!!!

-- (whoknows@whocares.whogivesadamn), June 13, 1999.

"whoknows" you cant get good enough-

A man dies and goes to heaven. Of course, St. Peter meets him at the pearly gates. St. Peter says, "Here's how it works. You need 1000 points to make it into heaven. You tell me all the good things you've done, and I give you a certain number of points for each item, depending on how good it was. When you reach 1000 points, you get in."

"Okay," the man says, "I was married to the same woman for 50 years and never cheated on her, even in my heart." "That's wonderful," says St. Peter, "that's worth three points!" "Three points?" he says. "Well, I attended church all my life and supported its ministry with my tithe and service." "Terrific!" says St. Peter. "That's certainly worth a point." "One point? I started a soup kitchen in my city and worked in a shelter for homeless veterans." "Fantastic, that's good for two more points, " he says. "Two points!" the man cries. "At this rate the only way I get into heaven is by the grace of God. "Come on in!"

-- just me (some@one.cares), June 13, 1999.


Just me, if your working towards heaven your missing out on a lot life has to offer. You got to think in terms other than human life. Heaven/Hell is a human concept. Maybe one day people will be large enough mentally to understand just how big the universes are how little the idea of heaven is and how malicious it is to think anyone would actually "go to" hell. Where is hell anyway? Just to the right of the third star on Orion's Belt? See how dumb wasting all your time thinking about stuff can be? It's amazing how humans ever built F- 16's when the majority of the populace is worried about how they'll act when they get to the pearly gates. Unshackle your mind and free your spirit, you'll be surprised where it takes you. Maybe one day you'll get to experience heaven right here on Earth.

Oh, and although soley this author's opinion, I don't see how anyone would want to spend eternity with some of these people who are claiming to be heaven-bound. If i had to spend even a month with some christians/jews/JW's/catholics I think I'd petition God to let me out and send me to Hell.

-- (whoknows@again.com), June 13, 1999.


THE END TIMES -- YOUR STEPPING STONE TO PROSPERITY Foolish doomsayers claim that the sky is falling. It's not, of course; however, THE EARTH IS CAVING IN. The pesticides Grandpa used are leaving their brands on the new babies' genes. The kids get better drugs in grade school now than you did in college. There are cities of 30 million each all over the world, full of people who are starting to want back what they think YOU TOOK, and yet you have to work like a dog just to keep what you think you have. On top of all that, the Russians have a cocked and loaded gun pointed at your head right now -- but don't feel bad, you've got one at somebody's head over there, too!

THERE IS A HELL, alright -- and YOU'RE ALREADY IN IT! Of course, this is merely the TOP FLOOR of Hell, the easy part... the Hell where you don't even know you're in Hell. The part where you think you're in "Real Life." HA!

Now, it doesn't always feel like Hell. Some of the time you have Slack -- sort of -- and other times it's drawn up tight. But it keeps getting tighter and TIGHTER , no matter how much partying you do, no matter how much "fun" you buy, no matter how much money you SPEND. So now there's this internal perpetual motion machine of slight disquiet...like something's missing,like something was amputated but you don't know what...OH YEAH, you realize... THAT Slack!

Right -- that Slack. The Conspiracy's got YOUR SLACK, and you're in HELL NOW, and you don't even KNOW it, becauselife on Earth is Hell, without "Bob."

But it could be worse. You could suddenly be crawling out from underneath radioactive rubble with your fingers falling off! You could, suddenly, be attacked and tortured by a mad slasher! You could be head-on-ed by a drunk driver tomorrow on the freeway -- but not be completely killed. So you should console yourself, through everything that befalls you, with the thought that things could always be MUCH, MUCH WORSE than they are now. Don't kill yourself yet; wait and see what worse fate awaits you!

Besides, in the meantime, They'll make sure you have plenty of Their FALSE Slack -- false work, false money, false sex, false love, false TRUTH! (THESE -- are Slack Abuse !! -- and should be handled ONLY by Church Hierarchy. They are POISON for you -- POISON!!)

Most Slack Abuse comes from the system buckling under the weight of its own normalcy, and taking you with it. Something's got to give -- and YOU are that something! You'll HAVE to go crazy, to stay sane! You'll be forced to stop being normal. But, in return for saving the world, the world OWES YOU A LIVING. YES -- IT'S TRUE!

The True SubGenii, the Chosen Ones, the High Unpredictables, shall be rewarded in the great Rupture of 1998, X-DAY, when the Men from Planet X will come; and we shall be LIFTED UP, in Power and Glory, to the Escape Vessels of the Sex Goddesses, fleeing the cataclysms on Earth while being TRANSFORMED into OverMen and UberFemmes, SUPERIOR MUTANTS who will lead a NEW RACE (the MASTER RACE, because it comes in ALL COLORS) to the PROMISED LAND, the Pleasure Dimension of ETERNAL SLACK AND CYTORSPASMIC OOZQUIRT.

Of course, the more timid of the Saved may choose to stay and weather the destruction of civilization as we knew it -- for who can truly guess what other fates may lie in store, once "back aboard" that "wondrous craft?" AIEEEE we must KNOW! We MUST KNOW our Destiny!!

In the meantime, never forget: compared to those PINKS, you're already an OverMan or an

Wait. Wait. They're watching. Act like you aren't reading this, like you just found this tract... get ready to throw it away like you aren't interested... ah, whew, it's okay. They're gone for now.

Where might it END? Dobbs' Prescriptures tell us that The Angelic Host from Planet X -- the "Xists" -- are themselves merely "tweezers" used by higher beings who might as well be observing us through a microscope. Beyond our pitiful earthly vale of illusion are vast, bodiless POWERS of Dark and Light, locked in a constant struggle -- and WE are THEIR WEAPONS AGAINST ONE ANOTHER in the APOCALYPTIC SHIT- STORMS OF THE NEXT 400 YEARS!!

Will you let yourself be manipulated like a puppet by the vile, demonic ELDER GODS into freeing them from their aeons-old banishment, to RULE this planet in their SIZELESS GRIP, or will you CLEAVE to "BOB" and be manipulated like a puppet by his Master, JEHOVAH-1 (aka WOTAN and RA, Destroyer of the Unclean), and His galactic "sidekicks,"the REBEL GODS: They Whom men call ERIS DISCORDIA (ISIS, Kali -- the mad pagan goddess of giggling CHAOS), the inutterably ancient SEX GODDESSES, NUNU and NARNINI, or G'BROAGFRAN , the Unpronounceable, or BANONO, the vindictive goddemoness who delights in cruelly dashing the plans of fools??? And what of NHEE GHEE???

What of NHEE GHEE???

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Will you join the Conspiracy's mindless atheistic unknowing servitude to the "Elder Bankers of the Universe" and their MINIONS in some hideous One-World Government, or will you GET SLACK and FIGHT FOR FREEDOM as a zeal-crazed Priest-Warrior for ODIN and the TRUE ORIGINAL FERTILITY CULTS that will someday instigate an eye- wateringly orgasmic One-World RELIGION of endless, delerious pleasures?? EH?? EH??

What you decide may not matter. If you are a true SubGenius, if through your veins courses the blood of the Yeti, then IT -- JEHOVAH- 1 -- The Stark Fist of Removal -- will get you SOONER OR LATER no matter how GODLESS you try to be!!

---------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------

WILL YOU BE READY??

WILL YOU HAVE AN "OUT" WHEN THE WHOLE THING BLOWS??

Join the Church and DISCOVER YOUR DESTINY. "Turn yourself in" to the the Throne Office of DOBBS for metapsychic emaculatory trance processing, computerized Blemish Reading analysis, and divinely inspired psycholiterary interpretation of your tridigital Anality Trait Answerraire read-out. Journey to our glamorous "New Jerusalem," DOBBSTOWN, in the jungles of Malaysia, for your "Initiation." There, the Doctors for "Bob" and their Tibetan advisors will 'whiffread' your Psy-Stench AuraAmbience with secret devices invented by the Child "Bob" at age 6. With the Bionebulizer you can "loop" into your Code-Self, as well as those of others! Ever wanted to triple your sales ability by watching the collective unconscious like a TV show? Sure you have. NOW IT CAN BE DONE. And once properly "tagged," your various souls will actually shine off into outer space like a beacon, making a better target for the "All Seeing Eye" above to zero in on! Just sign the coupon at the back of this booklet. You don't even have to mail it in. Just hold it near a mailbox, touch your genitals and think Dallas -- and "Bob" will answer your prayer.

YOU'LL BE WAVING TO THOSE PINKS FROM THE X-SHIP, ON YOUR WAY TO PARADISE WHILE THEY COOK BELOW IN A HELL OF THEIR OWN MAKING!!

---------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------- WHY NORMALS DON'T CARE "None are so blind as those who have no eyes." -- Dr. Philo Drummond,0 1^o What's really "abnormal" and "unnatural" is NORMALITY. The terrifying thing is that whereas the Normals cannot become like us, we can all too easily become like them. It is literally the next easiest thing in the world to become Normal... partly because it pays better, and partly because the SubGenius race is being further mongrelized with each generation by mating with Pinks and other "beasts of the field." DON'T MARRY A HUMAN!! Use the Normals, yes -- even be friends with some of them, in order to learn their weaknesses -- but do not cross- fertilize with them!

"Bob" is breeding new "humans"; that are more like the oldest breed -- humans with instincts. The flattening of the personality that comes with the average Conspiracy "life"style has suppressed instincts down through the centuries, which is exactly why so many people injure or kill their own children, or customers, or constituents; it's why marriages don't work half the time and "the family" has gotten a bad name. It's why you do stupid things to yourself! 'Civilization,' for all its fancy trimmings, is still just a rickety shack made by stooges without a blueprint,a shack that could collapse at any minute. The foundation was okay, but there has been very sloppy workmanship.

Of course, to a certain extent it's natural for our society always to be "fucked up;" after all, we're Earth creatures. "If WOTAN didn't have a sense of humor, there wouldn't be people." (Slackmasterclevians 6:14). But... not this fucked up.

---------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------

The Pavement of Hell Road Most people are "good," or would be, and try to do noble things every day -- but because the fabric of their reality is built on ignorance and mangled instincts, the sum total of all their actions, taken together, just perpetuates the vicious circle of "dog- indirectly- eat -dog."

In "Bob's" Promised Kingdom, all will come to recognize and value their own stupidity and eccentricity, and to respect that of others for its alien hilariousness. Hideous, exciting games like WAR and CONQUEST will be just that: GAMES, played with even MORE fervor and bloodlust, but enacted on imaginary battlefields of richly textured but entirely fraudulent construction. Humiliation at not being as original as the next guy will the the cost of losing, not death. SubGenii, shattered idealists that they are, are ready for that now, but we'll be lucky if the humans figure it out within the next 10,000 years.

This may sound like KOOK TALK, but 30 years from now your KIDS' MINDS will be OURS. You'd better hope it's still "US" by then!! Conspiracy agents are even now infiltrating the Church Itself. As the years go by The Con will be able to operate more and more openly, and once it's already too late, it'll finally become obvious that "1984" already HAPPENED way back in 1953!! ONE HAND has been jerking MANY PUPPETS; America, in some ways, is becoming hardly any different from Russia. In Russia, you have to do what They want. In America, as long as you're white and not poor, you can do whatever you want -- you just have to want what They want.

But you really want what "Bob" wants. And "Bob's" logic, like his Pils, is irrefutable... because of "Bob."

But...

WHAT IF...? WHAT IF one day you got this weird pamphlet that you started reading for lack of anything better to do and suddenly you couldn't stop because it was insane yet... absorbing...about a religion that let you believe whatever the hell you wanted to believe, and the next thing you knew it had you all wrapped up in it like IT, the pamphlet, was some kind of 'power object' that could somehow implant a kind of hypnotic command in you that would lure you into this little secret fringe society, an "underground world," an unspoken "rebel alliance" of people who were really decent citizens but at the same time were in a vague, unsaid agreement as to just how MUCH shit The Conspiracy could foist over on us before we'd... well...

...people who were relatively, oh, "normal" on the surface but still had this anti-establishment "thing" of theirs, on stand-by, just in CASE... just in CASE our continent got to be one of those places where you couldn't SPEAK and ACT the way you FELT just because some unseen "presence," or some force of sheeplike behavior patterning, was making you TOW THE LINE and ACT STRAIGHT and WEAR THAT SMILE and MAKE THAT SALE and WATCH THAT SHOW and eventually THINK THAT THOUGHT and so on... just in CASE there were people in charge who really didn't care what might be left of the planet after they got through with it. Not that things have GOTTEN like that or anything, you understand, but just in CASE... and this pamphlet you were reading, it didn't exactly tell you where to go for secret meetings, because these mysterious characters were too slacked out and/or harried by the Conspiracy to be even that organized; it simply let you know that there WERE WEIRDOS LIKE YOU that you could maybe even TRUST. Because if the AWFUL CRAP DOES COME DOWN, the ASSHOLES will gang up to ferret out the 'abnormals,' who tend to want to just fend for themselves. We still have major 'witch hunts' in this country every 20 years or so...

But WHAT IF this little secret society, that was secret because it didn't want to become a society, was REAL-- even if, most of the time, it only existed as an endless spew of propaganda and odd public behavior that always popped up in the strangest places? WOULDN'T IT HAVE TO DISGUISE ITSELF AS A JOKE?? Because it isn't that you want to JOIN something, the last thing you need is another damn political fringe group, and besides, it isn't politics but thinking styles, a whole new mind set... Wouldn't it have to be pretty ambiguous, and never quite let you get a grip on whether they were, like, a sick joke, or if they were serious, or WHAT? (The very fact that THEY raised the question first could itself be interpreted as "part of the act" or as an indication of their sincerity!)

YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO TELL -- SO NEITHER WOULD THE CONSPIRACY.

You'd get to thinking, "Could this thing be for real? Is there REALLY something like this going on that I just didn't know about? Or maybe I've heard about this "Bob" crap somewhere but it sounded like just a "take off" on cults and totalitarian societies and Sales Gurus with mysterious powers of LUCK, that had something to do with this SLACK shit? With getting enough SLACK? The Slack I FORGOT ABOUT because of the CONSPIRACY? The Conspiracy that didn't even KNOW it was a Conspiracy, because it was mainly composed of people who thought they were doing the right thing, the Conspiracy that's a self-perpetuating ROBOT with an ENGINE fueled by HUMAN DOCILITY, and there's plenty enough of THAT to go around; the Conspiracy that just KEEPS GOING, KEEPS POUNDING ALONG, FLATTENING EVERYTHING IN ITS PATH, because it IS NORMAL, because it's composed of NORMALITY ITSELF, a Conspiracy that couldn't possibly know what it was about to DO TO ITSELF...

... but that could somehow be HALTED, or SCREWED UP, KNOCKED WOBBLY by some "bug " in it, some little unruly ball of abnormality that could gum up the motor just before the damn thing rolled over the edge of the cliff -- SAVED by a monkey wrench in the works!

Now...

"Bob" is dead. That's right -- J. R. "Bob" Dobbs was shot and killed by The Conspiracy on January 21, 1984. That little bug isn't in that Conspiracy machine anymore... and it'll roll over YOU unless YOU TAKE UP WHERE "BOB" LEFT OFF.

WILL YOU BE THE LAST "BOB"? WAIT -- just act normal. They're coming, again. Hide this pamphlet. If they find it on you, tell them you just found it and haven't read it yet and maybe they'll let you go...

Ahh, whew, They're gone... for a minute, anyway. (Hell, for all we know that could have been one of US in disguise!) But it won't be long before the next one comes along.

You may have to look normal... even act normal. But don't be normal! Don't backslide! "Bob" Dobbs could be back at any moment! On that day of reckoning, you don't want to find out you drifted over to the wrong side of the battle line without even knowing it!!!

Who Killed Gerry Reith? BIZARRE TRADE IN HUMAN BEINGS! You may be suffering under many potentially dangerous misconceptions about The Church of the SubGenius. This isn't some small-time mail- order comedy publisher working on a miniscule budget out of an anonymous garret, but a powerful conglomerate of talented, wealthy professional abnormals with state-of-the-art equipment, living it up in a downtown Dallas skyscraper.

And that's only The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. Our publications are merely the TIP of a ROGUE ICEBERG of real-world activism by thousands of uncontrollable "Zombies for "Bob". It's way too late for us to stop them now... The World SubGenius Church relentlessly replicates itself in loathsome tenements, in basements and attics, in mansions and igloos, everywhere, but grows like a cancer best right in the wholesome breadbasket of America. Packs of untamed SubGenii run amok in sick "Gut Blowout" party/rituals; "Bob" rises leering over a lurid post-1984 landscape like a transcendent, mutated Alfred E. Newman, the "New Man," his Face stencilled on overpasses, the nameless cry of the rebel forces -- "SLACK!" -- scrawled across abandoned 7-11s...

Finally the masses will learn what they need. At this writing there are many thousands of $30 ordained, subscribing ministers of the church, and easily ten times that many less affluent but still valiant Warrior-Brainwashers for "Bob." Weekly SubGenius radio ministries infect many cities, and the Media Barrage Tapes are heard on hundreds of independent and pirate stations around the world.

There are stupid; and Conspiracy manufacturers illegally selling bootlegged "Bob" T-shirts and buttons. We've held successful (and lucrative!) revivals at the hepper nightclubs, "dives," junkyards and art museums around the country, some of which have erupted into near- riots of hilarioreligious ecstacy; Church-affiliated bands carry the message to the lost souls of the younger generation -- someday, "DRS. FOR 'BOB'" will be bigger than the Beatles. Many yearly conventions and secret Conclaves of The Elect have been perpetrated (and documented by numberless uncomprehending media parasites); McGraw- Hill published (then suppressed!) our huge "HORROR BIBLE," THE BOOK OF THE SUBGENIUS; we have been investigated by The Secret Service, the Dept. of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, the FBI and the CIA, and probably the Men In Black (FUCK YOU, ALIEN SHIT-MONKEYS!).

There are many specialty Clenches and offshoots: gay, Black, even feminist and Christian! The Clergy includes many famous rock stars, artists, outlaws, freaks of nature, plus untold thousands of obscure burn-outs , old folks, street bums, prisoners, nobodies, and "NICE FAMILIES".

This is the World's First Industrial Church: NOT TAX EMEMPT -- because "Bob" is a patriot, and doesn't believe that taxpayers should have to subsidize religions they might not happen to believe in.

There are ENTIRE BUSINESSES devoted to Dobbs, bars and children named after him, jobs quit for him; his face is tatooed on the butts of hookers and the puds of bikers; tiny ads for the Church are stuck to bar restroom mirrors and bus station phone booths everywhere... hints of Dobbs have shown up airburshed into album covers, on MTV, on Saturday Night Live (though not on David Letterman, who seems to fear "Bob"). Members have formed great business and 'adult' networks, and are privileged to unusual and suppressed information and products listed in the Church Journal, THE STARK FIST OF REMOVAL. The mail that the Church recieves is indescribable. Countless are the witnessings for Dobbs' supernatural Slack Magic; "Bob" does indeed SAVE the MUTANTS!

To some minds afraid to accept the truth, the Church is merely the biggest collective art project, or put-on, since the Pyramids. Others hate us, fear us, call us the "Mockers that shall come in the End Times." If we are those Mockers, then they should THANK US for helping to FULFILL BIBLICAL PROPHECY. The Church has given a lot of jerks an excuse to be even more obnoxious; but it has also given many CRUCIAL INDIVIDUALS the excuse to KEEP LIVING.

If the Church is just a big game, it's a game that has crossed over the border of imagination and become, perhaps, all too real... HELL, FOR ALL WE KNOW, THIS MAY BE THE MONSTROUS ONE-WORLD RELIGION PROPHESIED IN THE BIBLE!!! And, in fact, if The Conspiracy were ever to take it over, it COULD HAPPEN! The time will come when the TRUE Church will once again have to disappear and change disguises, because it must always crop up where they least expect it...

Like YOU, the Church is a chameleon -- it will disguise itself as ANYTHING in order to survive, fuck, and propagate more little Churches. Yes, of course that means this Church is built on a great sandy beach of hypocrisy, changing with each wave that comes in... but where would any religion be, without its fair measure of hypocrisy??

The Conspiracy calls it "humor" because no one can take the full truth. If this Church is a joke, it is the JOKE you can BELIEVE IN. And if it is merely a FAD, merely the "latest thing," then it is the ONLY "latest thing" that lasts FOREVER.

The Church IS a MYSTERY -- here to remind some that the mysteries still exist, and to remind others that they are wrong to think they can understand the mysteries. BE DAMNED GLAD YOU CAN'T!!

Laughter and pain are two sides of the same big stick. Some people can be saved from pure paralyzing horror by being gradually lured, through propaganda disguised as entertainment, to the realization that it isn't their fault: that there really is a Conspiracy. Everyone is intrigued by SCARY SHIT, and those feelings, those yearnings/repulsions are tied to religious feelings of Something Bigger running or not running things, depending on how bad your mood is... we honestly don't want you jumping for the most obvious Something Bigger that comes along because there ARE some Things Bigger, and some of them are BAD NEWS FOR MORTALS.

Why do we do this? Not for 'art'... certainly not out of any sense of duty to mankind... we do it for the money! ...and for THE SLACK, OF COURSE! And so, whatever it takes to bear "Bob's" word of Slack to the Slackless, let us do it. No matter how much money must be lost or blood spilled in our noble quest for greatness, no matter how stupid we must look, or even be, WE MUST CONTINUE. For our holy war, our jihad, is for the glory, not of ourselves, NAY, but of That Man "Bob:" that great Fingerhead of Knowledge who leads us, beckoning, winking, grinning, ever onward... to a future we cannot know. Ahhh, YES!! SMELL THAT CHURCH AIR!! This is a wonderful life we've been born into, an action-packed century! We'll live to see The End of the World! -- and then some.

So -- send in that $20 -- get your ordainment papers and big stack of STARK FIST magazines ... smoke a Fropstick, jack up your footgland, lean back and ENJOY! Because even as you read this now, atoms in your mind are being rearranged... for better or for worse, for good or evil, these we cannot say; these are value judgements peculiar only to this pathetic race of bipeds. There ARE others, however. The Dobbsdrome signal, even on these very pages, IS LOCKED NOW ONTO YOUR IMMORTAL SOUL -- AND YOU ARE HENCEFORTH UNDER THE PROTECTION/ SUPERVISION OF THE DOBBS. This may be why you suddenly feel 'different.' You have taken your first step towards your Destiny.

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-- ! (!@!.!), June 13, 1999.


Um, I think this is what I meant about keeping your fucking religion to yourself. If that's what you really believe, then fine, go in peace and let me live in peace! heaven, hell, what a crock.

-- (whoknows@anyway.com), June 13, 1999.

The Subgenius rant reeks of Ivan Stang.

-- Randolph (dinosaur@williams-net.com), June 13, 1999.

Go away mr. subgenii bob. A troll you are and a waste of time. Mr slack runs out soon, this crap is a crime.

-- Feller (feller@wanna.help), June 13, 1999.

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