AFTER READING THIS YOU WON'T WORRY ABOUT Y2K EITHER

Date: Monday, April 5, 1999 Section: FEATURES - ACCENT & ARTS Page: 01E Byline: By Mike Harden

URL: Http://library.dispatch.com:8000/cgi-bin/slwebcli.pl?DBLIST=cd99&DOCNUM=6616

I've stopped worrying about Y2K and all of the millennial blather about havoc and ruin come Jan.1. I will not again fret over worldwide power outages, anarchy or being unable to access e-mail when the new century dawns.

Y2K can't scare me anymore. Why? Because I've just learned that we are all going to be dead before it even gets here.

I've been reading Nostradamus (who, until last week, I had mistakenly believed to be a college in South Bend, Ind.)

I'll concede that Nostradamus is scorned by disbelievers. His predictions can be fuzzy around the edges. Yet in a rare, dated prognostication, he wrote:

In the year 1999 and 7 months,

From the skies shall come an alarmingly powerful king,

To raise again the great King of Jacquerie,

Before and after, Mars shall reign at will.

Translation: A devastating world war will begin in July and continue until sometime between Nov. 23 and Dec. 21, at which time the dreaded Battle of Armageddon will transpire.

Actually, Nostradamus seems to suggest that a few of us might survive all of that, but I wouldn't buy anything new to wear to First Night Columbus. The crowd could be a little sparse.

OK. You're skeptical. You think Nostradamus is as full of it as a Christmas turkey. Consider Jeane Dixon.

I tried to call her, but I kept getting an annoying message explaining that she was off to that place where every day is "a good day to put financial matters in order."

Calling the shot from more than 25 years ago, Dixon predicted that, in 1999, well before Dick Clark starts the countdown in Times Square, the United States will be in ruins as missiles launched from the former Evil Empire "will rain down a nuclear holocaust" on us.

Dixon isn't around to defend herself, unless you believe those supermarket tabloid stories about her spirit having entered the body of former Good Times star Jimmy Walker. I don't, but Jeane usually was right on the money with my horoscope (except for that thing in 1982 about "flaming vultures" carrying off the cat).

Dixon can't be discounted.

If that's not enough, I tracked down yet another prediction (in the 1975 The Peoples' Almanac) from a former mortician-turned-psychic named Criswell.

At first, I was a little skeptical about Criswell. I feared he might have gleaned his predictions through haruspicy (divination of the future by studying the entrails of dead things). But Criswell, no matter what he did in his old embalming room to noodle things out, is on track with both Nostradamus and Dixon.

Criswell predicted:

The world will come to an end on Aug. 18, 1999. A black rainbow (a magnetic disturbance caused by gravitational pulls in the universe) will draw the oxygen from the Earth. Earth will leave its orbit and race to the sun.

Disbelievers will point to several failed predictions by psychics and fanatics suggesting the world would end at any one of a number of times during the past five years.

One of the most recent was a prediction by Dr. Morris Plammer, who said that the world would be struck by an asteroid more than 20 miles in diameter. That apocalyptic event was supposed to take place earlier this year, between Jan. 20 and Feb. 4. Plammer contended that well-placed friends from NASA secretly had handed him space photos that clearly showed the face of Satan rushing toward Earth at 20,000 mph.

Plammer was wrong. I admit it. So were about a dozen other seers who thought we would be history before Y2K.

Believe what you want. I'm not worrying about Y2K. My money is on Nostradamus, Criswell and Dixon.

Throw out the bottled water and the canned beans 'n' franks. I can't say exactly when it's going to happen, but you might want to keep an eye out for Jimmy Walker on Comedy Central.

Mike Harden -- mharden@dispatch.com -- is a Dispatch columnist.

-- Gearhead (2plus2@motown2.com), April 07, 1999

Answers

...You mean to say that I ordered all of my 2000 year choir music and bought new underwear to no avail?

-- churchorganist (musicswede@webtv.net), April 07, 1999.

Wow.

Think I'll keep the beans & rice, but drink all the champagne NOW.

-- one (for@the.road), April 07, 1999.

Who's the King of Jacquerie?

-- FM (vidprof@aol.com), April 07, 1999.

#16 -OGRE -(Old Git Response Enumerator)

-- WebRNot (webrnot@ncap13k.com), April 07, 1999.

Never leave home unless you're wearing clean underwear. Who knows what might happen.

-- Tom Carey (tomcarey@mindspring.com), April 07, 1999.

Answered my own question regarding "the Jacquerie." ('Bet the peasants weren't wearing clean underwear.)

Jacquerie, uprising of French peasants in 1358, during the Hundred Years' War (1337-1453); the name is derived from Jacques Bonhomme, a collective name given to the French peasantry by the privileged classes. Supported by the burghers in some areas, the peasants sacked and burned castles and killed nobles. Royalist forces defeated an army of peasants near Meaux, crushing the uprising.

-- FM (vidprof@aol.com), April 07, 1999.

Boy ... this thread is dumb!!!!!!

Tim

-- timdaniels (tim@commonsense.com), April 07, 1999.

Actually, in the calendar Nostradamus was using, month seven is really November. The sun-activity geomagnetic storms should start about this time.

-- Ivan (ivan1776@aol.com), April 07, 1999.

Ivan, thanks - that clears up the whole scenario for me. July would be a miserable month for fiery skies, it already being 150o in Texas.

-- Lisa (lisa@lunch.wish), April 07, 1999.

What, Ivan? Are you saying this journalist didn't do his homework? I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! It was in the paper, so it must be true!

-- Gearhead (2plus2@motown2.com), April 07, 1999.

Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!

-- SCOTTY (BLehman202@aol.com), April 07, 1999.

This is apparently a good a thread as any to say those words of wisdom ......... Goo goo g'jube

-- Craig (craig@ccinet.ab.ca), April 07, 1999.

well, gearhead, you are funny, but in all seriousness, nostradamus was using the julian calendar, like everyone else 500 years ago was doing, and his prediction referring to the seventh month of 1999 referred to beginning of august. as an amateur astronomer/astrologer, nostradamus knew of a solar eclipse coming up on august 11, which is part of an astrological grand cross. as to what it meant, he would consult his crystal ball for more details. i've seen a lot of translations of his quatrain, and nobody seems to know just what he was talking about, except that it was not good. your guess is probably as good as anybody's, psychic or not.

-- jocelyne slough (jonslough@tln.net), April 07, 1999.

I don't recall the name of the "documentary" in the 1970's that dealt with prophesy of all types. The ones that stood out were those of Nostradamus. The version this movie foretold was that "The New City" (New York) would be destroyed by a nuclear weapon on July 9 1999.

I don't remember the name of the movie, but I think it may have been an Asimov, narrated by Leonard Nemoy.

So many possible readings of his writings...Some might think the guy was on drugs...

-- christa (christamike@hotmail.com), April 07, 1999.

The book I saw the other day said he predicted a meteor to fall in July. Btw, his life story was on tv the other day. Never paid any attention to him until then. It was pretty good.

-- Moore Dinty moore (not@thistime.com), April 08, 1999.