Our Y2K Project (Humor)

greenspun.com : LUSENET : TimeBomb 2000 (Y2000) : One Thread

Names withheld to protect the oblivious (there are no innocents in Y2K-land) ORIGINAL Y2K INQUIRY (actually adapted from several individual inquiries): Dear Y2K Compliance Officer: Due to the fact that your corporation appears on our list of critical associates, and is crucial to the operation of our business, it is mandatory that you respond immediately to the following questions so that we may determine our ability to successfully operate in the year 2000. 1. What is the nature of your business? 2. What are your products? 3. Do we have any of them? If so, which ones and how do we use them? If not, why? 4. How do they affect us? Should we care? 5. Are all of your products Y2K compliant? Are you sure? 6. Do you have contingency plans detailing with every aspect of your operation (for instance, the computer goes down, and staff can't get into the building, worldwide electrical failure, nuclear malfunction in Russia, etc.)? OUR RESPONSE: We responded with our form letter which explains our current status (good) and the fact that we do not complete surveys And in response to #6 which, due to the nature of the specific request, required additional conciseness: - We have normal plans and procedures for problem resolution and escalation - We have Y2K Business Continuity Plans - We are in the process of developing comprehensive company-wide January 1, 2000 contingency plans. These encompass staffing, facilities, backup plans, and testing. We are taking into account things we do have control over, and developing more robust contingency plans for dealing with situations which are not under our control. We have tested our auxiliary backup systems, etc. If regional, national, or worldwide utilities are impacted we'll be in the same boat with everyone else, except for the fact that our mainframes will still be operating, even if they can't be accessed by anyone outside who might find themselves using a flashlight to find their computer terminal. We will be able to gain access to our critical buildings because we've verified all of our security systems and also because all buildings have at least one glass window. FOLLOW-UP INQUIRY: Dear Y2K Presiding Corporate Y2K Director Czar: Is the Glass Window for 'exit' as in jumping out of? Or for entry into the building... you said the building had at least one glass window... you didn't say if it was functional, however. OUR FINAL RESPONSE: The brick, and/or back-up brick, which will be forcefully applied to the window is the functional component. The primary brick was made in 1953, prior to computers and should pose no problem. We were unable to obtain a letter of compliancy from the original brick company because the serial number on the brick has worn off and the manufacturer will not certify generic bricks without knowing exactly which version we have and which production location manufactured the brick. Our back-up brick is a Y2K ready brick manufactured in 1998 - we have the letter of compliancy from the brick-maker on file (as well as that of the truck driver who delivered the brick in a Y2K ready truck), and have tested it in a Y2K environment by changing the calendar on the wall to January 1, 2000, Feb 29, 2000, and March 1, 20000, and smashing a series of test windows. All tests were successful, but we are having a great deal of trouble reconstructing the test environments, as the pieces no longer fit together very well.

-- Burned out Y2K project manager (Y2K@project.manager), April 02, 1999

Answers

Thanks! I needed that :-)

-- (mybit@cyber.space), April 02, 1999.

I must inquire as to whether the brick in question is a politically " correct" brick , which will in every case cause an acceptable amount of enviornmental damage ? Al Gore

-- Harold Walker (e999eagle@freewwweb.com), April 02, 1999.

(Reformatted so as not to confuse the forum software :)

Names withheld to protect the oblivious (there are no innocents in Y2K-land)

ORIGINAL Y2K INQUIRY
(actually adapted from several individual inquiries):
Dear Y2K Compliance Officer:
Due to the fact that your corporation appears on our list of critical associates, and is crucial to the operation of our business, it is mandatory that you respond immediately to the following questions so that we may determine our ability to successfully operate in the year 2000.
1. What is the nature of your business?
2. What are your products?
3. Do we have any of them? If so, which ones and how do we use them? If not, why?
4. How do they affect us? Should we care?
5. Are all of your products Y2K compliant? Are you sure?
6. Do you have contingency plans detailing with every aspect of your operation (for instance, the computer goes down, and staff can't get into the building, worldwide electrical failure, nuclear malfunction in Russia, etc.)?

OUR RESPONSE:
We responded with our form letter which explains our current status (good) and the fact that we do not complete surveys And in response to #6 which, due to the nature of the specific request, required additional conciseness:

- We have normal plans and procedures for problem resolution and escalation
- We have Y2K Business Continuity Plans
- We are in the process of developing comprehensive company-wide January 1, 2000 contingency plans. These encompass staffing, facilities, backup plans, and testing. We are taking into account things we do have control over, and developing more robust contingency plans for dealing with situations which are not under our control. We have tested our auxiliary backup systems, etc. If regional, national, or worldwide utilities are impacted we'll be in the same boat with everyone else, except for the fact that our mainframes will still be operating, even if they can't be accessed by anyone outside who might find themselves using a flashlight to find their computer terminal. We will be able to gain access to our critical buildings because we've verified all of our security systems and also because all buildings have at least one glass window.

FOLLOW-UP INQUIRY:
Dear Y2K Presiding Corporate Y2K Director Czar:
Is the Glass Window for 'exit' as in jumping out of? Or for entry into the building... you said the building had at least one glass window... you didn't say if it was functional, however.

OUR FINAL RESPONSE:
The brick, and/or back-up brick, which will be forcefully applied to the window is the functional component.

The primary brick was made in 1953, prior to computers and should pose no problem. We were unable to obtain a letter of compliancy from the original brick company because the serial number on the brick has worn off and the manufacturer will not certify generic bricks without knowing exactly which version we have and which production location manufactured the brick.

Our back-up brick is a Y2K ready brick manufactured in 1998 - we have the letter of compliancy from the brick-maker on file (as well as that of the truck driver who delivered the brick in a Y2K ready truck), and have tested it in a Y2K environment by changing the calendar on the wall to January 1, 2000, Feb 29, 2000, and March 1, 20000, and smashing a series of test windows. All tests were successful, but we are having a great deal of trouble reconstructing the test environments, as the pieces no longer fit together very well.



-- No Spam Please (No_Spam_Please@anon_ymous.com), April 03, 1999.

Lovely stuff! We need more humor on this forum. As tempus will keep fugiting at an alarming rate, tense moments seem to increase. More humor!

-- Old Git (anon@spamproblems.com), April 03, 1999.

But do you have the Material Safety Data Sheets for those bricks?

(really, these do exist.......)

-- y2kbiker (y2kbiker@bellatlantic.net), April 03, 1999.



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