Since several of you have adopted Dieter as a "pet troll," I thought I would share his original posts with you. You will see what happened to him, and what sent him "over the edge." :-) This was in response to a vendor of freeze dried foods:

"I ordered two months ago, I am not sure if you are the same company. I was very exited to see all of the well-packaged foods that arrived at my door, and I could not wait to try them. My wife and I enjoyed your Chicken ala King the most, but I found that Salmon with roasted Nuggets came in a close second.

I do, however, have a question for you, perhaps you would be kind enough to reply soon. We have been vomiting continuously for nearly three months now, do you think that this might stop soon? My wife has now gotten some blood in the vomitus, which, combined with her black runny stools give me reason for concern. Myself, I feel OK, if you ignore the constant hacking cough and runny nose, which came upon me suddenly, and I am sure that none of this should reflect on you or your fine foods.

PS, are the little white wormy things normal?"

-- Dieter (questions@toask.com), October 21, 1998.

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), March 17, 1999

Answers

A few days later, here was his next response:

"One other thing to ask. I have got bloody stools now too, should I continue with the Potatoes au Gratin as you suggested in your private e-mail? I ask only because having this running down my leg constantly is slightly embarrassing when I visit my wifes bedside at the hospital. The doctors are still stumped about what her problem is, but I am sure that with me bringing your fine foods to her on a daily basis, she will be well soon.

PS, No I havent informed them of your fine product, as you requested."

-- Dieter (questions@toask.com), October 23, 1998.

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), March 17, 1999.

PeHaps DIEteR Is TRyiNG to SAy Don'T BUy MRE's, CAuSe THeY'll MAkE YoU SiCk! ThEy"LL MaKe YoUr Eye'S Go WeIrD AnD YoU ArE ThRoWiNg AwAy MoNeY!

-- ~~ (~~@~~.com), March 17, 1999.

:>) Thanks, Gayla! This post brings back such fond memories....

Gosh, he's a charmer, isn't he?

-- Scarlett (ohara@tara.net), March 18, 1999.

Poor Dieter! Here is the final posting in this "sad saga."

"I just wanted to say thank you to all of you for the wonderful cards and letters, and to say that it was a beautiful service. It was somewhat ungainly wheeling the iron-lung up to the casket for the final farewell, but my nurses did a fine job under the circumstances. I also wanted to say thanks for your suggestion about the cream of corn enemas, although the nurse had her doubts, and the logistics were difficult, the swelling went down the next day.

When may I expect my next order to arrive?"

-- Dieter (questions@toask.com), October 26, 1998.

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), March 18, 1999.

Dieter has GOT to be John Cleese in disguise. Dieter, can you do any silly walks?

-- Pythonite Old Git (anon@spamproblems.com), March 18, 1999.

ROTFLMAO! ROTFLMAO! O mi god! I cried! That was too funny.

-- Deborah (infowars@yahoo.com), March 18, 1999.

Gayla,

Forgive the question but I'm newish here, were Dieter's original post's in 'DiETeR SpeAk' or did that develop later?

I find his posts very amusing, but none I've seen so far have eclipsed the ones you have put up here! (I assume they are genuinely his, if you parodied them then all credit to you)

RonD

-- Ron Davis (rdavis@ozemail.com.au), March 18, 1999.

Our local rock DJs have some comic personalities who are either in- studio with them or phone in to do their characters. The characters are developed, long-term, and take up a good part of each morning's broadcast. I don't know their compensation arrangement or if this is done in other radio markets.

Dieter, are you high-priced comedial talent somewhere else? Or we just a minor-league outlet who doesn't deserve the next Mike Myers?

-- jor-el (jor-el@krypton.com), March 18, 1999.

Ron, 'DiETeR SpeAk' developed later. Must have been the stress! :-) These are totally his.

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), March 18, 1999.

Over on c.s.y2k, they too are getting nostalgic about their resident comedian....

Follow the thread. A kinder gentler Paul at first , but with hints of what was to come...

(11/7/1997 in response to process control engineer Eric Buckley)

Apparantly, you just don't listen. Making your corner of the world compliant is futile. Ooooooo, ridiculing Gary North, now there is something to be proud of. No prophecy, just the facts, jack. What I am doing is making a plan for the burial of your corpse, and all the other dead morons that will be stinking up the landscape. But, to converse with you further would be necromantic. Paul Milne

I somehow find our Dieter to be more likeable, but in the sanity stakes...? I think Milne's reaction to y2k and y2k debates has been the sanest reaction of all. This is certainly a time for screaming and swearing and frothing at the mouth, and he's done it so well.

luv ya Dieter.

-- humptydumpty (no.6@thevillage.com), March 18, 1999.

Wow...Dieter's been around this forum this long? My, how time flies! Hang in there, Dieter my man :-)

-- Tim (pixmo@pixelquest.com), March 18, 1999.

Dieter now resides in an asylum:

"WArD 5 At beLLviEw HOspITaL!!!!! NapoLIOn is A GI, BuT CAesAR is dgI!!!!! frED SPeAks nOt muCh at aLL!!!!! hUh?????"

-- Dieter (questions@toask.com), March 17, 1999.

But don't forget, on April 1st (April Fools Day) Dieter has promised to reveal his true identity. :-)

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), March 18, 1999.

April 1st will be just in time to get Dieter properly registered with the Federal Election Commission to receive matching public funding.

-- PNG (png@gol.com), March 18, 1999.