I got it just before Thanksgiving. Since then, I've gotten my Katadyn water filter, my Kerosun heaters, my Petromax lanterns and stoves, ordered my Aladdins in early December so EVENTUALLY they will come, family channel radios, scanner, Mossberg shotgun, pepper sprays, EMT first-response kit, 150 gallons of bottled water, batteries, candle lanterns/candles, quite a bit of food, drug store items... and, just this week, a contract on a 20-year old home in the hills with 20 acres, a well pumped by a windmill, septic, root cellar, two woodstoves, and a kitchen stove that is half-electric, half-woodstove...oh, and it's in a gated development with a private, stocked spring-fed lake. And it has a couple of fruit trees, berry and grape vines, two seasonal streams. And it wasn't even expensive.

As a life-long achiever, I feel like I'm on my way to earning an A for preparation... jumping thru all the de rigeur hoops. So why do I feel so bad? Of course, this has been quite exhausting, to figure all this out, create the money, locate the stuff, and get it. I cannot imagine how anyone who GI's much later than now will ever be able to get it all together. And that makes me very sad. I looked at all the people today out enjoying a sunny spring day, shopping, having lattes, oblivious (apparently) to how little time they have left to enjoy this life/reality we currently share. What about their children? Their aging parents? How will it be in a reality without mail, Medicare, oil, jobs, money? I felt like I was with a dying loved one, who didn't yet realize that the prognosis is grim.

How will my (now grown) children survive the coming craziness? Some will be with us (7-8 of us, if we can survive the close quarters with each other), some will be far away. I feel like I'm fighting to gain at least a hope of survival for my family... and afraid that we'll be sitting, well-prepped ducks for more predatorial types.

What if I ace the exam, and fail the course? Thanks for letting me vent... not too many around me want to hear it.

-- Mommie Weariest (did.I@forget.anthing), February 27, 1999

Answers

Please don't feel so bad you have come so far. Much farther than I can ever hope of becoming. You are doing all you can do and it seems you have made so much progress. This problem is so over-whelming it is almost unbearable. Take a moment to sit back and admire all your hard work and do something special just for you while there is still a chance to have some fun. Keep good faith. Although I am still very new here and I do not have alot to offer that others have not already stated. I can offer understanding. The main reason I come here is to be with people who (I hope) do not consider me a nut case. You are in my prayers.

-- shellie (shellie01@hotmail.com), February 27, 1999.

Mommie Weariest,

I'm glad you vented. I was just feeling really blue today thinking about all this stuff as well. We have made many preparations, still more to go; but if you allow you mind free reign and you think about what the ultimate outcome is likely to be if things truly come unraveled.... You just can't go there. Not yet. At times like these I also think maybe it's not possible to pull through this thing.

But Thank God, I get up again on a better day and get enthused about how to overcome each challenge that y2k presents. God seems to parcel out grace in 24 hour segments. We can only fill those present minutes and not rush too far forward.

But you aren't alone in your worriness or your weariness.

-- LO (jazz@hotmail.com), February 28, 1999.

YOU fEEL BAD????? WItH ALL YoU HAVE doNE, DIeTER IS NoW THE onE TO FEeL bad!!!!! 20 ACrES????

diETeR FEeLS SADNESS oFtEN FOr otHErs tOo, DOeS HE NoT???? yoU ARE GrIEViNG MoMmIE WEaRIest, FOR A woRLd goNE MAD!!!!!

-- Dieter (questions@toask.com), February 28, 1999.

My dear lady, if you have done all of this since November, it is obvious that you have just hit the wall...that first barrier in the marathon...second wind is coming up! don't worry...you've really been on top of it! I've been working on it since last summer...I occasionally get a day off when I'm not so busy (like out digging...getting the garden ready) listening to the birds and it occurs to me that this could turn out to be one big cosmic joke... what if some catastrophic event wipes us all out in one fell swoop... The DGI's say, 'see I told you we didn't have to prepare!'

I'm not going to miss a single day without enjoying the many wonderful things that pass through that day...and without expressing my love to all who share that day with me (doesn't mean I won't also express my impatience, my upset, or my nitpicking ways...but I'm making sure the mix is more balanced these days) ... living every day as if it were the last really is a blessing... you don't miss so much.

Don't let preps become the new goal orientation that robs you of your life... use it instead to create an awareness of the fine intricacy and fragility of all of your relations; tend to those relations, and then, whether its a bomb or a blib won't matter: you will have changed your life for the better. That's my approach; and I can already see the changes in those around me...the mirror tells me things are actually better today than they were a year ago.

-- Shelia (shelia@active-stream.com), February 28, 1999.

"why do I still feel so bad?"

Losing a friend is hard.

Losing a parent is harder.

Losing a child is harder yet..

Losing a world is something very few of us can even imagine.

Just thinking about that is very painful.

Making a new world -- now that'll be a struggle. But not sad.

-- Tom Carey (tomcarey@mindspring.com), February 28, 1999.

Dear Mommie Weariest, I empathize with you. Like yourself I "got it" in August but it took me until October to start to prepare. I first had to convince my husband, who's remains wishy washy even today, and then had to fly to Pennsylvania to convince the rest of the family that I couldn't reach by email. It was an amazing experience though, watching my father at 75 years old, see the light and accept the possibilities. I guess that has been the most difficult part of all of this. Caring and worrying about your loved ones, parents, siblings, and children.

I too have managed to acquire the Katadyn, a Kerosun, several Aladdins, (one for parents and two sisters also), 165 gals. of water, batteries, candles, alternative cooking stoves, potties, food, first aid supplies, and on and on.

What did you forget? You forgot to be thankful for what you've been able to accomplish, especially that contract on that 20 year old home in the hills. (I'd give my eyeteeth for it) You forgot to pat yourself on the back for a job well done. You forgot to take comfort in knowing that you have done your best to prepare. And, not least, you've have forgotten to put what you cannot accomplish in God's hands. I, like yourself, find myself staring at people in the checkout lines at the grocery and wondering where they will be this time next year. It's difficult worrying about the entire world and it's people while being so overwhelmed with one's own survival. So much of this is out of our hands. We just do what we can humanly do and feel blessed and thankful that we were able to accomplish that.

So, when you worry about "acing the exam and failing the course," remember the professors always graded on a scale and very rarely let the entire class fail. (didn't look good for them!) When the time comes and we're facing our "final grade" at least it will be known that we tried, we cared, and we gave it our best. Keep the faith! We're all in this together.

-- Carol (cajun@bayou.com), February 28, 1999.

MW,

I have to say some hard things, I do not mean to be rude.

The subject matter of the course is SURVIVAL not preparedness (as we normally think of it).

First and Foremost

Survival is a mental and spiritual subject. The first and most important lesson is that "things" won't do it. No amount of physical objects wiil get you through if you are not mentally and spiritually strong and ready.

Secondly

Things can really be a help. But they contain a danger. In fact they can be a fatal to you. If Things distract you from being mentally and spiritually ready then these things can kill you.

I'm sorry to have to say it but if you do not have the will to live you very probably won't. You must find the strength to muster your will. You must become hard in areas most of use have been able to ignore most of out lives.

I commend the preparations you have done (and am pretty jealous of the windmill and streams). But you did not mention how you are prepared to deal with the predators if they show up.

Are you mentally prepared for the day when you have NO other options and only you or the predator must survive? You don't need to tell me or anyone else. This is an internal thing for only you to know. But you better KNOW !

These are the HARD questions. These are the questions that are served best by a LOT of thinking, studying, and sould searching ahead of time.

There are no letter grades on this test. Only pass / fail.

-- Greybear, with appologies, but I want to help you live.

- Got Grit?

-- Greybear (greybear@home.com), February 28, 1999.

Usually I am a person who is the one others turn to for support. I can't tell you how much the responses so far mean to me. I can even feel my shoulders relaxing, as you all share this burden with me. Your responses have been so kind, warm, understanding, and very supportive...a real balm to my troubled soul. Like George Washington Carver, I "work as if it all depends on me, and pray as if it all depends on God" - so I do know that whatever comes is okay, when I know I have done MY part as best I can. Thank you all so much - a community of the heart dwells here.

-- Mommie Weariest (did.I@forget.anything), February 28, 1999.

Your 150 gallons of water is not enough. The wind does not blow all the time. And I think your full of shit! No wonder you call yourself Mommie Weariest....you weary yourself to death with BS!

-- seethruyou (Seethruyou@clealry.com), February 28, 1999.

Well gee Greybear, she SAID she has a Mossberg ... Course if you're not tactically savvy that won't necessarily help...

-- Blue Himalayan (bh@k2.y), February 28, 1999.

Greybear: Thanks for your concern. I do plan to get training in how to use the shotgun. While I might not be very "gritty" in defending myself, I have no doubt that I would not hesitate to protect my loved ones...some of whom are adult males who have the requisite instincts and, in the case of my husband, Army combat training and experience. However, we have never had a firearm in the house until now.

-- MW (did.I@forget.anything), February 28, 1999.

See so clearly,

Let me guess,,,you live in a large city, you've done nothing to prepare, and you know you are toast.

Remember,,,gon't stick a knife or fork in the toaster untill you have unpluged it.

-- CT (ct@no.yr), February 28, 1999.

"The subject matter of the course is SURVIVAL not preparedness (as we normally think of it)."

Good point!

"First and Foremost Survival is a mental and spiritual subject. The first and most important lesson is that "things" won't do it. No amount of physical objects wiil get you through if you are not mentally and spiritually strong and ready."

Greybear...you cut us off short whilst we were swimming in our syrup...sweet - but you're right - it can be lethal when eaten at the wrong time. The tough questions should be asked ... we have to answer them now, not later.

-- Shelia (shelia@active-stream.com), February 28, 1999.

If you own a gun and haven't all ready searched your soul, and determined that you will KILL,, Get rid of the gun,,,someone will take it away from you and use it,,,on you.

-- CT (ct@no.yr), February 28, 1999.

The simple and short answer is that you know what might be needed to get through Y2K, and you know how little others are preparing. Think of it a pre-emptive grieving.

Please note that every bit of preparation that you do today helps the unprepared one year from now. Every person that you provide for is one less person that has to depend on public or private relief efforts one year from now.

It is hard to think about all those that might suffer and die one year from now, there just is no way around that. However, we can't be Atlases.

On the gun, practice, practice, practice. Spend $50 on ammo and a roll of 3 or 4' wide "tablecloth" paper. Put up several squares of it. Blast away at the squares from different distances so you get an idea of what the spread is of your Mossberg. Do consider getting a rifle if only for pest control. If you don't like filling out paper forms, Gary Owen's Sportsman's Guide still might have some pre-1898 Mauser rifles that have been rebarreled for the Russian 30.cal. with scopes. He also has black powder shotguns, rifles, and handguns but you absolutely HAVE to go through an NRA course if you want to be safe with black powder.

Reread what Greybear said, hesitation can kill.

-- Ken Seger (kenseger@earthlink.net), February 28, 1999.

When I first told my father about this problem, he said " So you think it's all going to hell?" I knew I had a problem just by the tone in is voice. ( Felt like I was 12 again! ha.)He did, however, have one good point. " You can not prepare for all the potholes in the road of life." Do the best you can do, make the best plans you can make, and stay the damn course! It is your plan do not hesitate. As far as the gun goes, learn how to use it. You may not like it, but is much better to know how if you have to. You should go hunting, learn to kill. Resolve to pull the trigger if you must. Shoot to kill, not to wound. If you cannot do this, find someone that can. Also remember at some point in time you will be accountable for your actions. If not to man,to God. Make sure you are right!

-- Scotty (BLehman202@aol.com), February 28, 1999.

Get a grip, Mommie, and stop singing the rich woman's blues - you're "pleading poverty with a loaf of bread under each arm", as the saying goes. You've got it made, except for possibly one thing - how's your relationship with God? If you haven't got that straightened out, that's could be why you feel the way you do.

Or, it could be that you're just one of those well-off folks who got where they are by crushing others on your way "up". If so, then it's possible that your anxiety is well-merited... ever hear of karmsa? Nothing you can do may be able to save you WTSHTF, if you came by what you have at the expense of others. Lots of that going around....

-- quitcomplaining (and@buck.up), February 28, 1999.

My wife got it right away and began preping. Bought her a .38 took her shooting and she got that right away, about 60 yards with a snub nose and she put rounds right on target. Don't underestimate your ability to figure it out. NRA course would be a good idea for you and yours if you have no experience with firearms.

Wife is somewhat anxious about all this however. She's been having nightmares about bad guys coming around our country home, talking in her sleep about it etc.

Ever read about the Pioneers heading West? Women played every bit as much and important a part as men did.

-- Mark Hillyard (foster@inreach.com), February 28, 1999.

National Rifle Association

http://www.ipcorp.net/nra.html

-- Mark Hillyard (foster@inreach.com), February 28, 1999.

MW - pretty much everyone has said it. I'll just add that the Kubler- Ross stages of grief pertain to y2k awareness. Depending on your personality some of those stages at times can get quite intense. They are normal, just go along with the flow, knowing that everything passes in time. Even the nightmares, depressions, blues, anger, and numbness. This is the time to cultivate within and without. Without will give you a garden, orchard, friendly neighbors, possibly even a prepared neighborhood. Within will give you the calm fortitude, direction, depth of connectedness, and the calm, dispassionate larger view necessary if one is going to have to make life and death calls while watching the world change in a terrible way outside of our normal ability to control.

-- Mitchell Barnes (spanda@inreach.com), February 28, 1999.

Take a Vitamin Bcomplex immediately!

-- Betty Arnspiger (Barn266@aol.com), February 28, 1999.

MW, you've had so many good answers, I almost didn't bother. But unless I've overlooked it, one answer is missing : uncertainty.

You've prepared for everything that you can think of, but it's what you don't think of that would be your downfall, and you know it. So you read here, hoping that someone will point out what it is that you've missed.

Well, you may not have missed anything. Or you may not live to see next year, and your preps may be for naught. However, you still have 10 months to go and you'll have to come to terms with that nagging feeling that you've missed something. Kind of like going on vacation and feeling like you've left the iron on - you've got to get over it, or you won't enjoy anything. Unfortunately, with Y2k, you can't call the neighbor and get them to check your house for you!

Take a break, smell the flower and try to come to terms with the idea that if what you've done isn't enough, it's the best you could do; forgive yourself in advance. Any other viewpoint is likely to freeze you into immobility at just the time you might need to be most versatile. Just MHO.

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), March 01, 1999.

Dieter's answer was what I was thinking...

Dieter, you sure you don't want to come back under your old self?

It truely is a matter of being mentally prepapred for whatever comes. No matter how well prepared in stockpiles I will be, if I allow myself question the Meaning of Life/Y2K too much and become depressed my preps will be useless as I will be useless. I made up my mind to BE useful right from the start when I decided to prepare.

I don't know if I'll be depressed or not next year, but I won't allow myself to be this year, whatever it takes. Sometimes I need to get away from this forum for that.

-- Chris (catsy@pond.com), March 01, 1999.

Preparations (food, weapons, etc) are not a foundation for comfort. Preparing helps, but does not provide a basis the "solid ground" that we need for that feeling of comfort.

We all need to take this time to examine our spiritual preparation. Are you founded on solid rock? Or on sinking sand?

You CAN have hope and be hopeful in a seemingly hopeless situation.

Dave

-- Dave (dave@nospam.pls), March 01, 1999.

Someone mentioned mental/spiritual (might I add emotional) preparation. This may sound strange but for the first time ever, I am *glad* I had a really really really crappy childhood replete with all kinds of abuse and neglect. My brother and I HAD to survive--I guess I had a strong will to live--and if I really allow myself to go back I can remember vividly the kind of life in which you don't necessarily occupy your mind with fun, happy things but with new strategies for surviving each day. Depressing? Yes. Necessary? Yes, again. That's why, immediately upon getting it, I KNEW that, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually speaking, I would be fine and could help my family to be fine, too. My relationship with God has never been stronger.

Keep praying.

-- Preparing (mentally@prepared.com), March 01, 1999.

Preparing,

Thank You !

Folks, THAT's what I've been trying to describe as a SURVIVOR with a WILL TO LIVE.

-- Greybear

- Got Hope?

NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER GIVE UP

-- Greybear (greybear@home.com), March 02, 1999.