SUPPLIES: Wine prices to increase?

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Those of you who like a glass of wine with your beans and rice (white with navy, rose with pinto, red with black?) might want to concentrate on enlarging your cellar in case (no pun intended) taxes are more than doubled. In our local paper today, a Scripps Howard news service report says:

"Incensed that government regulators plan to allow labels on wine that suggest health benefits, Sen. Strom Thurmond said Monday he will block the move and will push for higher taxes as well. . . .'

The article goes on to say that it was the Senator who was responsible for legislation putting warning labels on alcohol products a decade ago. Thurmond has now introduced three bills that will more than double federal taxes on wine, "with the proceeds going toward medical reserach into diseases associated with drinking."

Winemakers had asked that labels be allowed to "say there may be some benefit to drinking in moderation, particularly in preventing heart disease."

Although this old git enjoyed a tipple during a gloriously misspent youth in New Orleans, the piper is holding out his hand for more money and club soda with a twist is about as exciting as it gets these days. On the bright side, club soda doesn't require a corkscrew to get into and there's no anguish about what kind goes with what food.

-- Unwillingly Teetotal Old Git (anon@spamproblems.com), February 23, 1999

Answers

Strom has clearly got too much time on his hands these days.

C

-- Chuck, night driver (rienzoo@en.com), February 23, 1999.


"The article goes on to say that it was the Senator who was responsible for legislation putting warning labels on alcohol products a decade ago. Thurmond has now introduced three bills that will more than double federal taxes on wine"

That cuts it! I can live without my computer, I can live on beans and rice, I can bathe in a stream, wash my clothes on a scrub board, and work all day trying to scratch a subsistance from the soil. But when Old Thurmond decides to double my taxes on the elixir of life, I'm outta here. The guy has a lotta gall!

Got Grapes of Wrath?

-- Cary Mc from Tx (Caretha@compuserve.com), February 23, 1999.


Why not learn to make your own wine? It isn't that hard to do, and you can have any flavor that you wish. I started helping Dad do it about 25 years ago. He makes some of the best wine that I have ever tasted, and I have tasted my share. That's what I plan on doing... :) Or yet.... get some of my Dad's.....

-- (cannot-say@this.time), February 23, 1999.

Red wine, with meals, lowers blood cholesterol. That's how the french can eat their delicious fatty foods and stay healthy, as compared to americans who don't drink it regularly, but instead eat more of "reduced fat" foods. Red wine has been around for millena and it's part of many cultures around the world. Their secret is that they stop at glass or two with meals and don't get drunk.

I got this email from a friend, who says that apparently Thurmond wants those labels affixed to the bottles ;-)

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a wanker.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers (or complete strangers) are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your trousers.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in themorning and see something really scary (whose name and/ or species you can't remember)

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named FRANZ.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.



-- Chris (catsy@pond.com), February 23, 1999.


Chris, you've been reading my old diaries, dammit! Uproarious!

-- Guilty Old Git (anon@spamproblems.com), February 23, 1999.


Old Git:

Last December I heard a radio report stating that the best wines and champagnes were already being purchased for the Millennium New Year's Eve celebrational bashes. Although some wine distributors would be making available more of their stored vintages later in 1999, the general prediction was that demand would exceed supply, thus driving the prices higher. Supposedly the very best bottles have already been purchased or spoken for. I suspect during the Y2K crisis and afterwards there will be homebrewers and vintners abounding.

-- dinosaur (dinosaur@williams-net.com), February 23, 1999.


Hi Dinosaur,

Heard the same thing and stocked up our favorite cheap bubbly (J. Roget), cos I figured that stuff would eventually be in demand too. Can't drink it now, but I guess I can use it as an antiseptic or for barter. Hell, cheap as it is, I could probably use it as paint thinner or firestarter.

-- Old Git (anon@spamproblems.com), February 24, 1999.


Chris,

ROTFLMAO ! :o)

Now thats worth printing !

-- Mike (mickle2@aol.com), February 24, 1999.


Old Git:

I'm planning on remaining sober and somber for Y2K.

-- dinosaur (dinosaur@williams-net.com), February 26, 1999.


Hi, Old Git:

If you can't use that which you purchased of the choisest vintage, then would you consider bartering it for more essential goods such as medicines and toiletries?

-- dinosaur (dinosaur@williams-net.com), February 26, 1999.



Say it isn't so...?

Caramba! Guess I need a crash course on homemade wines....

-- Donna Barthuley (moment@pacbell.net), February 26, 1999.


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