Motives (Humor)

greenspun.com : LUSENET : TimeBomb 2000 (Y2000) : One Thread

Why did the chicken cross the road?
==========================================
----------------------------------------
Pat Buchanan:

To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

---------------------------------------------
Louis Farrakhan:

The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

---------------------------------------------
The Bible:

And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

---------------------------------------------
Colonel Sanders:

I missed one?

---------------------------------------------
L.A. Police Department:

Give us five minutes with the chicken and we'll find out.

---------------------------------------------
Richard M. Nixon:

The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road. I don't know any chickens. I have never known any chickens.

---------------------------------------------
Dr. Seuss:

Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed, I've not been told!

---------------------------------------------
Ernest Hemingway:

To die. In the rain.

---------------------------------------------
Martin Luther King, Jr.:

I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

---------------------------------------------
Grandpa:

In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

---------------------------------------------
Aristotle:

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

---------------------------------------------
Karl Marx:

It was an historical inevitability.

---------------------------------------------
Saddam Hussein

This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

---------------------------------------------
Ronald Reagan:

What chicken?

---------------------------------------------
Captain James T. Kirk:

To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

---------------------------------------------
Fox Mulder:

You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

---------------------------------------------
Machiavelli:

The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

---------------------------------------------
Freud:

The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

---------------------------------------------
Bill Gates:

I have just released Chicken Coop 98, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your cheque book -- and Explorer is an inextricable part of the operating system.

---------------------------------------------
Einstein:

Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

---------------------------------------------
Bill Clinton:

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. However, I did ask Vernon Jordan to find the chicken a job in New York.

_________________________________________________________

Now our task is to customize this per Y2K. The chicken is Y2K awareness and the road just crossed is the public denial line. We all know who the major Y2K players are ;-)

Or maybe some of you have different assignments qualities as to: chicken = ?
road = ?

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

-- Leska (allaha@earthlink.net), January 31, 1999

Answers

Leska,

I'll have to think for a little bit about to tie that in with Y2K. In the meantime...I'm laughing out loud!

Thank you for that.

-- Kevin (mixesmusic@worldnet.att.net), January 31, 1999.


Paul Milne:

The idiot chicken is DEAD for crossing the road too late, BUTTHEAD.
It was obvious the ASSHOLE chicken should have listened to me and tunneled under the road to the preparation cache on the other side. But no, it chickened out and waited listening to the Pollyanna morons, then ran around after getting its head cut off. Now it's ROADKILL.

BBWWWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
<

-- learning (forum@style.here), January 31, 1999.


--------------------------------------------- Paul Milne:

Irrelevant as usual, as the issue is not one of WHY the chicken is crossing the road. This HAS NOTHING TO DO with the chicken making it to the other side. As always I ask for one shred of FACTS or EVIDENCE that shows the chicken can even make it to the other side, which of course you refuse to discuss saying "no one really knows what will happen." No wonder you are so dazed and confused and do not know anything. You insist you can not know. And you have succeeded. You know nothing. And you know it. I only wonder.....how do you know it? (How will you know anything? Creamed chicken on toast, you doorknob.)

-- Debbie Spence (dbspence@usa.net), January 31, 1999.


Uhhm! To get to the banker???

-- Freeman (freeman@cali.com), January 31, 1999.

Al Gore:

What IS a chicken?

-- Gerald R. Cox (grcox@internetwork.net), January 31, 1999.



Bill Clinton:

Whoooo, some chick!

-- Leering (whitehouse@oral.orifice), January 31, 1999.


How many ingredients are in the chicken? Before or after it crossed the road? If it crossed the road, does the road get mad, or does it get even? Can a road get even if it is already flat, or does it have to have a crown in it? On it? Who crowned the road in the first place?

How many other chickens crossed this road under nomal conditions - that is before they became aware of Y2K? Will y2K increase their survival potential if fewer cars and trucks are traveling?

If several are crossing at the same time, and a truck hits them at full speed, how far will the truck skid before it hits the embankment? Was the embankment Y2K compliant too, and if so, does that help or hurt the truck?

Finally, if there were a skunk in the road, would the chicken want to cross at all?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Kennesaw, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), January 31, 1999.


Robert,

No, I don't think the chicken would want to, especially if it was a dead skunk...stinking to high heaven...

-- Kevin (mixesmusic@worldnet.att.net), January 31, 1999.


Dan Quayle:

No, son. That's c-h-i-c-k-e-n-e.

-- Gayla Dunbar (privacy@please.com), January 31, 1999.


After an unfortunate meeting with a non-compliant Cadillac, the chicken became permanently *embedded* in the road.

-- Morgan (morgan96@netscape.net), January 31, 1999.


Shakespeare:

To cross or not to cross, that is the question!

-- shivermetimbers (zerodegrees@brrrrrr.com), January 31, 1999.


Chicken Little:

The plane is falling, the plane is falling!

-- Old Git (anon@spamproblems.com), February 01, 1999.


This reminds me of a song- (substitute banquet for road)

I cannot come to the baquet, don't bother me now, I have married a wife, I have bought me a cow, I have fields and committments, that cost a worthy sum, don't bother me now, I cannot come.

-- LOL (LOL@aol.com), February 01, 1999.


Moderation questions? read the FAQ