Kids Say The Darndest Things ... circa Year 2000

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Scenario #1: You prepare for TEOTWAWKI, but Y2K is a non-event

"Dad, this is the worst summer of my life. Thanks to your wasting money on all this stored food and all kinds of third world camping junk, and re-locating us out here to the sticks, we can't afford to go to Disneyworld like we were going to, Mom says that I'm going to have to get a job if I want to go to college this Fall, and I just feel like we are a total laughingstock. All my friends where we used to live, back in the city, are going about their lives, probably still talking about us like we are like some kind of survivalist wackos. I know that the food can be donated, and its not like the end of the world as far as having to work this summer instead of enjoying it, but Mom is upset that she left her job in the city. And you took a big cut in pay to come here, plus cashing out on your pension plan -- most of which you have buried out back, like you are some kind of drug lord or something!! I know that we will eventually go back to civilization and all, and that you feel like a fool for ever having believed all this Y2K end-of-the-world crap, but honestly -- I mean how could you screw up our entire way of life??!!!???"


Scenario #2: You assume Y2K will be a non-event, don't prepare, but TEOTWAWKI happens.

"Dad, how much longer is this going to last? This is like being in some third world country or something, like in a ghetto occupied by soldiers. We have lost everything, just barely getting by, like something out of Schwendlers List, only its everybody. Remember Darlene's family, the ones who bailed last year, before all this happened? You couldn't believe that they would just up and out to the country, giving up their careers and everything. And all of us trying to hold in our laughter that night Darlene's dad came by, wanting to talk to us about Y2K, about how the electricity might go off, the banks fail, and so on. Like, whoa, what is this guy smoking. But those articles that he kept dropping off, about how the computers would not be fixed in time, and how they affected everything, and we were completely reliant on them. How come you didn't at least consider what Darlene's dad was saying? By the way, I was able to get us the medicine that Grandma needs, but I had to be real nice to that soldier at the pharmacy. Could I please take a sponge bath before everyone else tonight, I feel real dirty."

-- King of Spain (madrid@aol.com), January 10, 1999

Answers

Scenario #3: You prepare for Y2K problems, and we have 6 months of chaos, before limping back to a Depression like economy.

Boy Dad you sure were smart! I am so thankful we have a warm house now that the power is out. The Smith kids are freezing across the street. There Dad said they might go to the FEMA shelter tonight and try to drive as far South as they can tomorrow. This fried rice is pretty good. Bobby Smith said they ate there last can of peas last night, now all they have is a bag of dog food mixed with water from the hot water heater. Good thing you bought all that food last year. Mom said the Johnsons had all their firewood stolen out of their backyard last night. Mr. Johnson heard them taking it, but the men had guns and Mr. Johnson didn't belive private individuals should own guns, so he couldn't do anything to stop them. Daddy, you could have stopped them with your big shotgun couldn't you? I sure am glad you had those silver coins that Dr. Wilson wanted when I had my ear infection. What will other kids do, if they get sick and their parents have no money or food to give to the doctor? Why is Mr. Smith so mad at President Clinton for not warning him? Thanks Daddy for buying all the stuff we need to survive this.

-- Bill (bill@microsoft.com), January 10, 1999.


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