If you've been lurking around here for awhile, you know this is a pretty slick forum. That's because it's not a simple static web. Essentially it's a database, and features such as search functions have to be added to it. Some really smart folks build and maintain the software that present this content. And, for a contribution to their foundation, they make brain search engines, too.

They're creating a brain search module for Rick Cowles' EUY2K Forum, and are willing to build one for this forum. TimeBomb 2000 is a bit more complex, so requires more effort, especially for our cranially challenged friend.

Now, here's the question (I know they'll ask me this when I approach them): How much money would you contribute to their non-profit foundation for a brain search engine?

Now I know that this is a pretty tall order - the possibility of actually finding Jimmy so we can hook him up to the brain search engine will be daunting in and of itself. And then we must all hope against hope that Jimmy actually has a brain to search for once he's located, otherwise our efforts will have been for naught.

However, being that most of us are of a scientific disposition, the benefits to society of finding and thoroughly documenting the inside of young James's jelly sack are incalculable. For this reason, the following plan is proposed for your consideration:-

First we have to hire a Private Dick to locate Jimmy - I was thinking of persuading Canon to come out of retirement. He is, quite frankly, the only man for the job - think about it, he has the same girth and junk food proclivities of our cranium distressed friend, and will know the hangouts (bakeries) that Jimmy frequents to feed his habit.

Failing Canon not being availble, Longstreet would be my next choice, being that he has highly developed olfactory senses, he will be able to detect the smell of doughnuts, unwashed socks, skidded underpants (burnt) and stale breath miles away - no problemo.

Once located, Jimmy will be taken to our facility where we will have a few volunteers ready to hook up the brain search engine to Jimmy's ass (thanks in dvance to Diane, INVAR and especially Leo (we'll try and refund your airline ticket if we raise enough cash Leo.))

I've alreay spoken to Ed Yourdon and he has valiantly agreed to stump up $5,000 to get the ball rolling. I'm personally bunging in a further $5,000 as I know how important to society (and, yes folks, even to Jimmy), that his brain be located and "processed".

So folks we have $10,000 to retain Canon - we need more MONEY - please respond in kind, you all know how important this is for all of us - and remember, think of the children.

-- Andy (2000EOD@prodigy.net), January 04, 1999

Answers

Thanks Andy...didn't think they had snipe hunts anymore.

-- c (c@c.c), January 04, 1999.

I didn't notice he had a partner. Ya gotta have a partner to hunt snipe. they don't come out for just a single! c

besides, have you ever field dressed a snipe? worse than skunk!!

-- Chuck, night driver (rienzoo@en.com), January 05, 1999.

Right on c.

Main Entry: snipe

Function: noun

1 or plural snipe : any of various usually slender-billed birds of the same family as the sandpipers; especially : any of several game birds (especially genus Gallinago) especially of marshy areas

2 : a contemptible person ... uh, guess that must be jimmy numb nuts

-- Dalai Lama Ding Dong (tibet@not.atthe moment), January 05, 1999.

So to snip up snipe, one must be a snappy sniper?

-- Leo (lchampion@ozemail.com.au), January 05, 1999.

Sorry, but I'm investing in rice not air at this point in time.

-- y2klady2 (y2klady2@aol.com), January 05, 1999.

Why not just shoot the bastard?

-- Dave (dave22@concentric.net), January 05, 1999.